Holiday Support

A warm Hello,



With Thanksgiving just a few days away, I want to take a few moments and provide a few links that may benefit by providing additional support during this holiday season. If you are a newer widow these may help.

www.forwidowsonly.com/Holidaysandwidows.htm
www.healthadel.com/a-widows-guide-to-surviving-the-holidays

As I get ready for Thanksgiving I am thinking about all I have to be grateful and thankful for. Although each of us as widows have lost greatly, there are so many people and things to be thankful for. For me, it helps to pay attention to what I have versus focusing on what I have lost. My late husband will always be with me in my heart no matter what.

My thanks and gratitude top ten:
1. My son and his health
2. My health, energy and continuing to improve personal fitness level
3. My family (who have stood by me in good and difficult times)
4. My friends (who continuously provide me with love and laughter) Some of which are in the picture above at a recent Bus/Vikings football game.
5. My clients (who I value and learn from every day)
6. The companies I have been fortunate to work with. (The Ken Blanchard Companies, LensCrafters/Luxottica Retail)
7. The opportunity to write for a local magazine and work one on one with my trainer.
8. Where I live (beautiful Florida)
9. The opportunity to give back to the community and help others (when you give you get much more in return)
10. The opportunity to strike out on my own, start a business and live my dream.
Bonus: Being ready to date again and open to new relationships.

Coach Corner:
What can support you this holiday season? Take care of you and find something, some group, some friends, perhaps visit the links above, create your top 10 list etc.

Happy Thanksgiving to you.

Warmly,
Colleen

85 degrees and yes Thanksgiving is next week--What?

A warm hello,

Has this year gone by quickly for you? Depending on your life and circumstances, your answer may be similar or very different from mine. For me, this year has literally flown by and I am almost taken by surprise that the holidays are just around the corner. Living in Florida now (where it was 85 degrees Fahrenheit a few days ago) it seems still so strange to not have cold weather as the holidays approach.

For widows and others, the holidays can often trigger emotions which can include stress, indecisiveness and depending on where you are on your journey, yes even joy and happiness. One of my clients is at somewhat of a crossroads on her "widow journey" and is trying to take a step forward, stand on her own two feet and honor her value of family as the upcoming holiday season quickly approaches. Although much has changed for her (for many of us since our husband's passed) it does mean things cannot be exactly the way they once were, but we now have an opportunity to recreate how we most want to create new memories, honor the past and embrace life and the holidays.

As Thanksgiving is next week, it is always to time to share how we are thankful or grateful. For me, being grateful is a great thing to do 365 days a year. Somewhere along the way I have gotten much more engaged in being grateful for my family/friends, what I have, whom I love, my health, my clients etc. and less about what I have lost and how challenging being a single parent can be.

Coach Corner:

• What new memories might you wish to create this holiday season and which activities from the past would you like to continue?
• How can you honor your past, be engaged in the present and embrace your life?
• What are you grateful for? By the way, if this interests you and you personally enjoy writing, you can purchase the Gratitude Journal by Rhonda Byrne from the Secret. It is available at major book stores. I find it to be a great resource!

Here's to you and to a great holiday season.

Warmly,
Colleen

Moments in Time...Genius..Feedback

A warm hello,

There have been many moments in time that I have reflected on that revolve around my late husband and our marriage. If you are a widow reading this, I can confidently say, you more than likely have done the same. Many of these moments in time are a source of warmth, fondness, sometimes sadness and perhaps a myriad of other emotions and remembrances.

Recently, I've recalled a few moments in time (outside of my time with my husband) and how in some ways they have threaded together and have just made me darn curious. Let me preface what I am about to write with this, I am somewhat scared of heights. (It may have something to do with falling out of a high tree fort at a young age:-)

First memory, a proud one to be sure was when I won the 13 and over state springboard diving championship. It was a one meter springboard, so not very high in the air.

Second memory, sophomore year of high school, I took the winter season off from gymnastics to dive with the swim team. Later that year, I was invited to travel with, compete and practice with Brown University's swim and diving team. Brown's pool is a 50 meter pool in one direction, 25 meters in the other and included two 1 meter springboards (obviously my favorite and my "safe" place), two 3 meter springboards (moving into I'm nervous land) and 1 ten meter platform (moving into, OMG, Yicks!!). Our diving coach, Dave would be out on a floating platform in the water, so he could get a good look at our dives and call out feedback, correction, positive reinforcement and call for dives he wanted us to do. Well, the day came when Dave called out for me to go up to the platform and do a very simple dive called a "landing". I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a very long climb up the long ladder, the American Flag was hanging, there were two chairs up on top and it was a very high ten meters. I wanted to go off the platform, but I was terrified...I am not a quitter, but I just couldn't do it. I walked back down and that was it and my diving career was over. My parents were somewhat disappointed as there had been initial conversation regarding a free scholarship to Brown for my college years. An IVY league education would have been awesome! This moment in time, stayed with my for many years.

Third memory was much later in life during my corporate career, within the past ten years. We went to Leadership Challenge and participated in many experiential leadership learning activities. One activity was the "tree course" high up in the sky. Hooks, and cords etc...I was partnered with one of our senior executives and really did not want him to "see me sweat". Not only did I sweat, I was petrified. All of my fears, and my memories of that day at Brown University came flying back. With my partners phenomenal encouragement, praise and his willingness to listen and be there for me I successfully completed the tree and ropes course and finished with an incredible sense of relief, accomplishment and personal fulfillment.

Just because something has held us back before, it doesn't mean we can't move past it at some point and in some new way.

Sometimes it is just our beliefs that get in the way. One belief I have (had) is that I am not very talented when it comes to building things. Case in point. Last night my son and I were making his Lego Star Wars Spaceship and he is really good at it and again I believe (believed) I am not very good. At one moment, Ryan needed my help to find a piece and put it together. When I completed it, he immediately said "Genius", "way to go Mom". Feedback is such a gift, it can really help shift our beliefs, create new experiences, change our behaviors and achieve new and often better results.

Coach Corner:

Where in your life would you (and others) benefit from providing or asking for feedback?

Here's to You.

Warmly,

Colleen

Greetings from Kenya

A warm hello,

I am still amazed at how small our world has become and am excited by all the possibilities it presents. With the Internet, social media and networking (IE. twitter, Facebook, blogging) to name a few, it is easier than ever to reach out and connect with others across the world. I find myself more than ever reading and watching news from other parts of the world (secretly I am a huge BBC fan!) as it always slants a somewhat different perspective on the world and obviously shares more about what is going on outside of this country)

Recently I have been in correspondence with a woman from Kenya by the name of Joyce. I received an email entitled "Greetings From Kenya". Joyce found my website (http://www.coachingforwidows.com/) and has asked to connect. We are speaking this Friday and I am excited and curious to learn more about Kenya and the needs of widows in her country. Since the death of my husband almost 4 1/2 years ago, I am on a mission to help women and widows remove barriers, develop new and empowering strategies for life and business and be all they can be. With our world becoming smaller in some ways, I am grateful for meeting such like minded individuals who are passionate about making a positive difference in our world.

As a reminder, and speaking of like minded individuals, the First National (U.S.) Widowhood Conference (San Diego, CA) is shaking up to become a phenomenal event. You have plenty of time to plan and schedule to attend, if you are interested. I will be one of the presenters and part of a group of phenomenal, powerful and inspired women. Please visit http://www.sslf.org/ for more information. I hope to see you there. I hope to meet women not only from our country but from all over the world. Now, I have a special interest in a special woman from Kenya.

Coach Question:

As you look at your world, what are the possibilities when you broaden the definition of "your world" and expand your opportunities to connect with diverse others? Hmm....

Fitness, Discipline, Barack, Me and You

A Warm Hello,


Today's topic is about fitness, discipline, Barack Obama, Me and You.

In coaching clients, in working with my trainer and in writing this blog, I have touched on and tackled fitness and health. A few things have struck me of late.

1. Barack Obama the morning after the election (with very little sleep) is in the gym getting in a work out. With all on his plate (setting to work assembling his team to name one) is exhibiting discipline and commitment to take care of his fitness and his health.

2. Me and You: well I've been much more consistent with my Pilates and variable on my cardio. I've not completely exhibited the discipline required to achieve my goals. Hmm...so what is that all about? What sabotages me, (maybe you and others as well) and gets in the way? What becomes more important? What excuses are used? What is the ROI or the Return on Investment? What do we really want and what are we willing to do about it?

We each have many things on our plates...Raising children, a career, a business, the household, family/friends, relationships etc etc. Whether it is fitness where we are not achieving our goals or in another area of our life or business where we are not taking actions that support our goals, vision etc. it is a chance to reflect on what is happening, what is not, and what is underneath all of it that is holding us back. What do we want to do about it?

Here is what I am doing. I'm off to Pilates in a few minutes and will schedule in my cardio for tomorrow. Scheduling things in is important. If we don't schedule it, it often doesn't happen.

I've been asked to coach a few moms for Mommy Magazine here in Sarasota, Florida for upcoming fitness issues in '09. We will uncover their challenges and come up with a plan for mom's to follow and we will track their progress. So, it is time for me to walk the talk and follow my fitness plan too. Model the Way, I always say.

What is important for you to "Model the Way" with in your life? What committment and discipline needs to be there? Why is this important to you and what will it mean and represent for you?

We each have the same 24 hours in a day. What we do with it, is up to each of us. Make each day count.

Here's to you.

Warmly,

Colleen

Election Day

A warm hello,

Here in the U.S. today is Election Day. A day to vote and make personal decisions and choices on which candidates and party we each believe best suited to lead our country. If you live in the U.S. I hope you get out and vote. I voted this morning and contrary to the word on the street, there were no lines where I live. So, if you can, get out and vote.

This photo above makes me think about "what are all the possibilities"? It is a peaceful and beautiful photo and in these trying times, I choose to think about and consider what are all of the powerful and positive possibilities that are just around the corner. It makes for a engaging mindset and a healthy way to look at the world.

It seems that many of us are ready for a change here in the U.S. What are the changes you most want to happen? What are some changes you most want to make personally in your life and your work? What are the possibilities?

Here's to change and to here's to you.

Warmly,

Colleen

Winning Is Not Everything

A warm hello,

What an action packed weekend we have had. Halloween, soccer and one of my dear girl friends visiting from Maryland. So much going on and now a moment or two to slow down and take it all in.

Here is a picture of my son at his game Saturday. It is his third year playing soccer and up until this year he has been a "scoring machine" and has won every game. This year, hmm, not so much. His team has not won a game and try as he might (he's almost gotten a bunch of goals) he has not gotten one goal in and he has become a bit disappointed. So, my son and I had a good conversation on the "after the game" ride home. I listened to his frustrations, told him how proud I was of his teamwork and how well he played (he just missed 5 goals during this game) and asked some questions about what he was learning, what fun he was having and as well about the challenges of not winning. As great as it is to win (I am competitive too in sports...) it is not everything.

I've been reading Randy Pausch's "The Last Lecture". Many of you may be familiar with this inspirational man, father, husband and professor who passed away recently from Pancreatic Cancer. His Last Lecture at Carnegie Mellon is all over U Tube and his book is a best seller. What a brilliant, compassionate man and teacher. His book is terrific and I recommend it highly. In the chapter entitled "I never made it to the NFL" Randy talks about one of his dreams (making it to the NFL) and although he achieved many of the dreams he envisioned, this one was not to be. As he writes, "When we send our kids to play organized sports--football, soccer, swimming, whatever--for most of us, it's not because we're desperate for them to learn the intricacies of the sport. What we really want them to learn is far more important: teamwork, perseverance, sportsmanship, the value of hard work, an ability to deal with adversity."

As important as it is for each of us to dream big for ourselves and our children it is also important to learn from the "journey" the value we get along the way.

I've often said this following statement, "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand". This statement is also on the inside cover and stated by Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture".

Coach Corner:
Based on the hand you have been dealt, how are you playing your hand? The word "playing" is really important. Just as my son "plays" soccer (and has moments of frustration) we as widows are living a life, but how much do we play? What would it be like to have more "play" in your life? For me that is playing with my son, spending fun time with friends, playing tennis, walking, listening to music, dancing, and hmmmm...starting to date again. What would add more play to your life and support you in playing the best cards you've been dealt?

Here's to you.

Warmly,
Colleen