Little Victories

A warm hello,

A dear coaching client of mine, a widow named Carole from Oregon shared with me her "anthem". These are lyrics from a Bob Seger song titled "Little Victories". When I read it, I loved it and asked her permission to share on this blog. Thank you Carole!

Throughout the journey of widowhood there are "little victories" along the way. One after the other after the other. We grow, we learn and yes we may skin our knee but we become stronger, wiser and more compassionate.

Any little victory is a victory. Here is to your little victories.

When your baby up and leaves you
Up and leaves you flat
Don't you laugh my friend, sometimes it happens just like that
First you feel the anger, then the sorrow will soon take control
And there'll be hard times for sure
Long, cold lonely nights
It might not sound like much
But it'll mean a lot you'll see
Every hour you survive will come to be
A little victory
Little victory
As you struggle through each day
Each strange new day
Feelin' lost and wounded, tryin' hard to find your way
No one there to talk it out with
Learnin' how to sleep alone
Overcomin' each new doubt
Tryin' hard just to accept it all
Everytime you keep control when you're cut off at the knees
Everytime you take a punch and still stand at ease
Little victories
Little victories
And when night falls and there's no one around
The cruelest time of all and not one sound
Listenin' to the wind blow
Listenin' to the tickin' of the clock
Tryin' hard to forget
Tryin' hard to just accept it all
As you step out in the night, take a lesson from the trees
Watch the way they learn to bend with each breeze
Little victories
Everytime you make it through
It's another little victory
Day by day, minute by minute
Little victories

Warmly,

Colleen

http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

Transcending: Words on Women and Strength

A warm hello,

I've written often about the important role women friendships play throughout our lives. As a women and as a widow I've often found such richness in my friendships. I am thankful to have friends that supported me when my husband passed away and for all the other events in life.

Please watch the embedded video by Kelly Corrigan on U Tube and feel free to send it along to your women friends.

Transcending: Words on Women and Strength by Kelly CorriganAuthor Kelly Corrigan wrote this moving essay about women's remarkable capacity to support each other, to laugh together, and to endure. The full text is available in the paperback edition of her memoir, The Middle Place, on sale December 23, 2008.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q

We will transcend.

Warmly,

Colleen

Please visit http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ for additional resources and for a complimentary introductory coaching session.

A dear friend and a new widow

A warm hello,

I write this today with a heavy heart.

The circle of life. We are born, we live (hopefully to the fullest), and our lives on this earth at some point end. Those we love are born, live and eventually or all too soon pass away.

This morning, one of my dear friends and work partner/colleague passed away from lung cancer. His name was Kim (and a non-smoker). He was an engaging man who laughed a lot and helped those around him laugh as well. He made the world a better place just by being him. Everyone loved Kim, he was just one of those people you couldn't help but love. He had a beautiful wife and two great sons. Kim also used to be my late husbands boss and they had a phenomenal friendship as well.

Kim was there for me when Rory died. He came to my home hours after he passed along with others I am fortunate to have in my life now and at that time. His passing today hurts deeply and brings me back acutely to that day 4 1/2 years ago.

So what to do with all of this? What to write? How to help? How to help his wife, his family and in a broader scope how to help more widows? This is on my mind and in my heart.

As with all new widows, getting through the day and lets face it, getting through minute to minute is what we can do. I will do my best to provide to his widow grief resources and recommendations for initial grief support. I'll be there for her when/if she could benefit from coaching. My heart goes out to her and wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better.

Unfortunately I can't do that, as much as I wish I could. What I and what each of us can do is to live while we are here the best life we can, be the best role model we can be for our children, rediscover ourselves, be strong, laugh again and give back to others. There will be many more widows and widowers to follow in our footsteps and we each have an opportunity (when we are ready) and far enough along on our grief journey to help and support those who follow.

Here's to my dear friend Kim and wishing for his wife (widow) and family strength and grace during this time and beyond. I know someday soon they'll smile again.

Here is a quote by Sara Paddison I would like to share. "Hope is a higher frequency, and as you begin to re-connect with your heart, hope is waiting to share with you new possibilities and arrest the downward spiral of grief and loneliness. Listening to the still small voice in your heart will make hope into a reality."

Here is to all on the journey of widowhood.

Warmly,
Colleen

Greater Fitness = Greater Energy in '09

A warm hello,

Have you noticed lately the "usual" ads, commercials, and paid programs for fitness and weight loss. As people make their New Years Resolutions, many (widows too!) want to improve some aspect of their fitness, weight etc. which in turn can lead to greater energy, health and confidence. Becoming more fit and becoming healthier is a terrific idea. However, what will make it really happen is being committed to specific goals and plans and being consistent. My trainer always stresses the importance of consistency and will often state how being consistent is smarter and more effective than going gang busters and then slacking off etc. Also, my trainer always teaches that we (our bodies) are our greatest tool and other aids or just that, aids. Case in point and a pretty funny story. A friend of mine has a closet full of exercise aids, (ab roller, thigh master, stepper, balls, bands, weights, tapes etc.) One day (on an "infomercial") she bought another exercise program (aid) because she thought "it would change her life". When it arrived on her door, it looked familiar. Guess what, she already had it in her closet. So, the exercise program or aid cannot change a life, but each person can if they are committed, have specific goals and a plan and stay consistent.

Recently a local magazine published these questions I wrote to support 3 new moms I'll be coaching in a Mom Body Challenge Contest. I share them here to help get you started as well if you are interested in greater fitness=greater energy in '09.

1. What is important to you about becoming healthier and fit? How will this positively impact your life?

2. What are the goals that you want to achieve? Set specific goals and make a realistic plan.

3. What environment will support you best? Hows can you create a physical and social environment that supports your goals?

4. It is all about making this a priority. How can you balance your life so you'll have time to exercise and eat well?

5. What triggers or sabotages you? Learn how to pause and gain the power to respond rather than react to triggers or cravings.

6. Let go of excuses and start thinking positively about the weight loss and fitness process.

Here's to you!

Warmly,

Colleen

http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

http://www.phillipscoaching.com/

New Year

Coaching For Widows & Phillips Coaching would like to wish you a safe & Happy New Year! As one year ends and another begins, take the time to reflect on the past, look forward to the future, and enjoy the presence of the people who add meaning to each moment of everyday!

Warmly,

Colleen
http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

http://www.phillipscoaching.com/

Single Parenting

A warm hello,

Are you a single parent? Recently, I've received emails and calls from women who are widowed single parents. They've stated they are (at times) struggling and are feeling stuck in general. In addition, I've spoken with others that are divorced single parents and they too are having their challenges as well. Bottom line, the underlying theme is how much each woman loves their children and how much each woman wants to find their own best way to raise them. As the holiday season is upon us, it can raise issues and questions.

So, what will make 2009 a banner year for you as a woman and as a mother?

In my coaching practice I work with women (widowed, divorced and some married as well) and in each case we work together to craft strategies and plans to achieve what each client wants most. I remember, when I was first a coaching client, I worked to clearly identify what I most wanted for my son and my role as mom. I created strategies and plans, took action (lots of action) and saw amazing progress along the way. Ask yourself what is important. What you want to start, stop and continue. This is a big deal!

Here are some things I learned:

1. Be consistent (this is huge!)

2. Be there, really be present. When I am with my son, I always block out special time for "play".

3. Get down to their eye level when communicating something of great importance.

4. Listen. Watch. Pay attention. Build on their strengths. (Really) Acknowledge their accomplishments and quickly redirect behavior as appropriate.

5. Get enough sleep. Early on after my husband passed away, I was sleep deprived and it made it very difficult.

6. Get some advice from experts. (books, websites, friends, family)

7. If your child is young, have visuals. (to do's, responsibilities, rewards etc.--make visuals together so they are part of the process and are engaged)

My son is 7 and is out of school today through Jan 6th. At 9:30am this morning he was already saying he was bored and wanted to play with some friends. Oh, that reminds me, I must plan more playdates for him and "play time" for him and me. It is good for him and good for me, otherwise it will be a long holiday break. Juggling it all, and you know what I mean, can be a bit much at times, but with setting a good stage, crafting a good plan and following through on those actions, it will make for a happy mom, happy child and happy holiday season.

Happy Holidays to all!

Warmly,

Colleen

http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

7 1/2 Highly Effective Habits for 2009

A warm hello,

11 months have passed since last New Year's Eve. Perhaps much has happened this year, perhaps not. If 2008 was the year your husband passed you were more than likely just trying to put one foot in front of the other. If 2008 was year two, that generally brings in more than expected. Year 2 can feel harder in some ways and at the same time you are taking bolder steps towards recreating your life and making changes that suit. If you are in year 3 and beyond, you are hopefully well on your way to putting all the pieces back together. Whatever the case, how would you assess your 2008? How would you like to make 2009 the year you lived "on purpose"? You'll be amazed at how much control you have of your life, which naturally allows you to accomplish ANYTHING to which you set your mind.

With 2008 ending in just a few weeks, now is the perfect opportunity to develop visions (supported by personally crafted 7 1/2 highly effective habits) for how you want your life to be in 2009. During the past year, I have seen people achieve amazing things by simply committing to making it happen. My clients can testify they started out their coaching program with some doubt their visions would become a reality, but four months later they saw vision after vision come true and by the end of the program they were amazed at how much they had accomplished in such period of time.

It breaks my heart when I meet women and especially widows who have been feeling stuck and unfocused for a long period of time. (I met a women the other day who has been feeling this way for 10 years since her husband passed!) So, as you prepare for 2009, I encourage you to take an hour out of your day to develop visions for how you want your life to be next year. Once you do that, create some strategies (habits) and a plan to get there. If you need help and guidance, reach out for help. I am offering a 20 minute complimentary strategy session to support you in getting started and becoming more focused. Visit http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ to register for a complimentary strategy session. Also, I've been getting many requests from women to support them with crafting their resumes, improving their interviewing skills and professional skills. With over 21 years of professional experience I can lend support to you in this arena as well. Many women are wanting to find a job, change jobs or careers or get promoted to a higher level. What visions do you have for 2009? Let's get started.

Here's to you.

Warmly,

Colleen