www.CoachingForWidows.com/blog

A warm hello,

My blog has moved to www.CoachingForWidows.com/blog. Please visit and visit often.

Warmly,
Colleen Phillips
941-739-4853
www.CoachingForWidows.com

Staying Grounded During Challenging Times

A warm hello,

Simultaneously, as we adapt, adjust and accept a spousal loss, there are many challenges and changes women face especially during our current challenging times.

I've been speaking with and coaching women who all are facing many changes during these times. Whether a woman is single, divorced, widowed, a career women, a business owner or a stay at home mom, it is certain she is adapting to some sort of change in her life. Perhaps you, as a widow, are facing changes and challenges not only with the loss of your husband (and all that entails), but in other areas as well.

Perhaps you are in the midst of raising small children, teenagers or adapting to foreclosures in your neighborhood. Perhaps you are juggling a career that makes additional demands of your time. Perhaps you have an abundance of new financial wealth or a loss of wealth. Perhaps you strive to make ends meet in today's challenging times. Perhaps you've lost a job or just started a new one. Perhaps you have moved and are starting over in a new geographical location or are adjusting to and re-creating a new life where you currently live. The list of changes and potential challenges does go on and on.

But wait, along with all the changes and challenges, what are the potential rewards?

What are the new opportunities and new experiences that are presented?

How do we stay grounded during challenging times?

How do we learn to stop, decompress, check in with ourselves on what is most important?

How do we want to spend our precious time?

How can we best take care of ourselves and those we most care about?

Finally, how do we stop fear or overwhelm from taking over and gain clarity, focus and inspiration to take bold steps forward?

Tips:

1. First breathe. Yes, breathe. Breathe it in and breathe it out. Have you ever caught yourself with shallow breath or even holding your breath? Take some deep breaths.

2. Exercise some self-care. Get enough sleep, eat healthy and get some exercise. Do something for yourself that brings you joy. Make some gesture in giving back to others. When you give you can receive so much in return.

3. Surround yourself with people who support you and will tell you the truth. Find mentors.

4. Take some quiet time to reflect on your life and your work. Take the wheel of life free assessment on http://www.coachingforwidows.com/. There is a personal wheel and a professional wheel. Complete both if appropriate. This assessment will begin to provide greater clarity for you on what is most important, what is working and what is not. It will help you begin to determine gaps, strategies and action steps for moving forward especially during these challenging times.

5. Once you've determined some strategies and action steps...take action. Thinking about it will not make any change or improvement, taking appropriate action will. If you need help, find others that have the skills and knowledge you need or want and ask for their guidance. Carpe Diem. Seize the Day. Make it Great!

6. Do not forget about engaging in some leisure time. You know, truly non-productive relaxation. Too often women can try to fill time with busy work, always moving and always doing. Some leisure time is important to find a balance that helps you stay grounded.

Here's to you,

Colleen

Colleen Phillips, Professional Coach, CPCC,ACC

For coaching and widow resources visit http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

Time Out &Tune In

A warm hello,

As widows, we all share one commonality, the loss of our husbands to death, which by most standards, is one of the most traumatic events to occur in a lifetime. We also share a journey of re-discovery that includes many downs, ups, curves, bumps and vista's along the road. It is along this journey, where we all cry, learn, laugh, love and do much to figure it all out once again.

It has been almost 5 years now since Rory died, "how long has it been for you"? Along these years I've worked a great deal to re-discover myself and along the way follow my passion for coaching.

I coach business leaders and executives and enjoy it very much. It is rewarding. Also, I have a very deep passion for coaching women, especially widows. I feel such a pull or tug of my heart to support this group of amazing women who've also walked this walk. I've thought for quite some time that coaching widows was something I was meant to do. I changed my life and ended my previous long term career to do just that.

As a coach I work with my widow clients to put the pieces back together again. It is a joy to be in coaching relationships that support, acknowledge and challenge clients. Along the way, I learn more about myself and my journey.

Recently, I've been stuck. Don't we all feel stuck at one time or another. For me, I've been stuck with updating (or not updating) my http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ website. Stuck with writing (or not writing) this blog, as I've not posted since late February. Lately, I've been focusing on my corporate work and clients. AND, I've fallen in love with a brilliant, loving man and have been immersed in all that entails (this blog entry photo is from a recent event). Temporarily, and for some reason, it has made it more difficult to tap into the widow part of me, the part of me that I called upon to write these blogs etc. I have been on one of the beautiful vista's of the journey feeling so happy and fulfilled again for so many reasons. Isn't this what we all hope for and work for during the journey (to find our passions, learn, grow, laugh, love and be fulfilled)?

Hmm...So why would this happiness and fulfillment make it difficult for me to write? What was preventing me from taking action? I've been giving this a great deal of thought and introspection.

One of the coaching exercises I do with clients is the wheel of life. We look at the 8 major components of life (money, health, significant other, career, physical environment, friends/family, spirituality, personal development) We rank our level of satisfaction in each area. Until now, the significant other component has been very low personally (due to the circumstances). I've realized until now, I've been resistant to be in a true loving relationship. I've not been ready and now I am after much work on me. I've become crystal clear about what qualities and values must be present in a new relationship. The time is right.

Here is a statistic I ran across lately and it caused me to take action and dive back into my passion for supporting and coaching widows. Did you know that nearly 700,000 women lose their husbands each year and will be widows for an average of 14 years"? This is according to the the U.S. Bureau of the Census. This is a great number of women who, along with each of us, will have to learn how to put the pieces back together again.

My vision is to be a great coaching partner with women and widows during their personal journey of re-discovery.

Coach Corner:

Being ready is key. We must know and understand ourselves fully.

What are you learning from your past relationships and experiences? What support and help are you actively pursuing to re-discover you?

Remember, it doesn't matter how fast you go, as long as you are going in the right direction.

Warmly,

Colleen
Visit http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ for coaching, support and resources.

Colleen Phillips, CPCC, ACC

Milestones

A warm hello,

We each have experienced "milestones" in our lives/careers, milestones we may be currently experiencing and milestones we have yet to experience. Every milestone is unique to each woman. In addition, and in a general sense there may be milestones that we may share.

Milestones are "markers" of sort. A marriage, the birth of a child, a graduation, a promotion, a demotion or downsizing, a new business, overcoming a big fear, and yes of course illness or death of a loved one. Life is full of milestones, isn't it?

What are some milestones you've experienced? How do you hold those memories, what are you more aware of and what have they taught you?

Some milestones are HUGE! Others are rites of passage, and still a big deal and meaningful. What are some of the milestones you are experiencing now in your life? Again, what are you learning and becoming more aware of? What is important and meaningful to you? How do you choose to honor that?

My son turned 8 years old today. It is hard to believe! He is moving from little boy to a bigger version of a little boy. He's growing up and getting so much taller. Today feels to me like a milestone. He's lived longer now without his daddy than with him. It is almost 5 years now. Another milestone.

Here is a milestone and something important I've learned in my personal journey of life (as a woman, widow, mother, coach, business owner, daughter, friend and significant other.) I've learned to move from "acceptance" to, as Byron Katie of "The Work" so eloquently writes it, "To Love What Is." It really is a powerful shift! I've gotten to a place after much work to "Love What Is". This has paved the road for me to become more comfortable in my own skin, become a better mother, a better coach and to be open for a new love in my life. This is a very big milestone. After Rory died and for years to follow, I wasn't ready for a significant other because I had to work on me first. I'm glad I did and am so grateful to "Love What Is" and to have an amazing love and significant other in my life now.

I've always said, rediscovering ourselves after the loss of our husbands no matter the circumstances, no matter the relationship we had, is a journey. May your journey bring you to a destination that you too can "Love What Is".

Coach Corner:

If you could move from acceptance to "Loving What Is" in your life, what would that be like? How would you feel? What is now possible?

Here's to You.

Warmly,

Colleen

Visit http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ for a sample coaching session and widow and transition resources.

Time Is On Our Side

A warm hello,

Time Is On Our Side.

I am thinking about all the many thoughts, sayings and songs on "time"out there...For example, there is an old Rolling Stones song entitled, "Time Is On Our Side". Also, I am certain each one of us have heard many references such as, "time heals wounds". As a widow, we've probably been inundated with well meaning friends and family members touting how time will help. They may says things such as "over time things will get better, over time we'll figure things out, how over time we may love again, how over time we'll learn to become a good single parent, how over time we'll become more productive at work, how over time we will actually become unstuck, regain focus and build a new life that actually works and works well."

The magic key to all of this is, how do we use our time? What do we learn? What do we change? What remains? What is important now? This is a learning process, a journey. We must be active participants in our usage of "time".

People say things such as "I don't have enough time, it takes too much time, if only I had more time". What are they really saying here? What do you think?

Well, we all have the same 24 hours in each day. It is what we choose to do with it. How we choose to spend our time, how we choose to grow and develop, how we choose to be actively engaged in the grieving process so we may move through it. Time alone helps, but we must show up and be active participants.

When we first lose our husbands, we are in survival mode, getting through a day at a time or even an hour or moment at a time. That may be the best we can do, and it is okay. However, over time, we each have the opportunity to fully engage in stepping into a new and potentially rewarding life full of things such as career, financial improvement, health, loving relationships and a deeper sense of our own abilities. To become more comfortable in our own skin even now that we've been widowed.

Time is truly on our side.

Today, I came across a poem of sorts I wrote 3 years ago about my husband. It was still laden with much pain, loss and loneliness. So, now these 3 years later, time has helped and importantly I have actively participated, showed up, got help, worked with a coach, learned about how I wanted to be for the rest of my life. I hope the same for each one of you. I hope you use your time to engage in your life, to learn, to grow, to heal, to love, to rediscover yourselves.

Working with a coach can absolutely help. Actively participating in support groups can help. There are many options available to you. Find what best supports you!

Coach Question: How can you actively make the best use of your time? What awaits you that you may begin to put into motion now?

Here's to you!

Warmly,
Colleen
www.CoachingForWidows.com Visit for more information and resources.

Believing You Can

A warm hello,

I have been having coaching conversations with women regarding their beliefs. Beliefs in themselves, beliefs that they have or do not have the ability to change, to grow, to persevere. Do they believe they can step forward, put the pieces of their lives back together in new and powerful ways?

What we believe is paramount. It either supports us taking powerful actions or it limits us. What beliefs do you hold? Which ones support you and which ones limit you. Take stock. Keep what works and clean out those which do not.

Here is a little story. Believing You Can
A young man fell asleep during math class. He woke up as the bell rang, looked at the blackboard, and copied down the two problems that were there. He assumed they were the homework for the night. He went home and labored the rest of the afternoon and into the evening knowing if he didn't complete the work he would surely fail the class.
He couldn't figure out either one but he kept trying for the rest of the week. Finally, he got the answer to one and brought it to class. The teacher was absolutely stunned. The boy feared he had done too little, too late. It turned out the problem he solved was supposedly unsolvable.
Power Commanders How did he do it? He was able to do what was thought to be impossible because he believed it was possible. He not only believed it was possible, he believed that if he didn't solve it he would fail the class. Had he known the problem was unsolvable he could never have done it.
Beliefs are the commanders of our brain.When we believe something is true, we literally go into the state of its being true. Handled effectively, beliefs can be the most powerful forces for creating good in our lives.
The Birth of Excellence. Beliefs control our destiny: The belief we have in ourselves...the belief others have in us. The birth of excellence begins with the awareness that our beliefs are a choice.
Beliefs are the compass and map that guide us to our goals. Believe you can do something -OR- believe you can't and you'll be right every time.

Here's to You!

Warmly,

Colleen

http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

Contact for a introductory coaching session

Little Victories

A warm hello,

A dear coaching client of mine, a widow named Carole from Oregon shared with me her "anthem". These are lyrics from a Bob Seger song titled "Little Victories". When I read it, I loved it and asked her permission to share on this blog. Thank you Carole!

Throughout the journey of widowhood there are "little victories" along the way. One after the other after the other. We grow, we learn and yes we may skin our knee but we become stronger, wiser and more compassionate.

Any little victory is a victory. Here is to your little victories.

When your baby up and leaves you
Up and leaves you flat
Don't you laugh my friend, sometimes it happens just like that
First you feel the anger, then the sorrow will soon take control
And there'll be hard times for sure
Long, cold lonely nights
It might not sound like much
But it'll mean a lot you'll see
Every hour you survive will come to be
A little victory
Little victory
As you struggle through each day
Each strange new day
Feelin' lost and wounded, tryin' hard to find your way
No one there to talk it out with
Learnin' how to sleep alone
Overcomin' each new doubt
Tryin' hard just to accept it all
Everytime you keep control when you're cut off at the knees
Everytime you take a punch and still stand at ease
Little victories
Little victories
And when night falls and there's no one around
The cruelest time of all and not one sound
Listenin' to the wind blow
Listenin' to the tickin' of the clock
Tryin' hard to forget
Tryin' hard to just accept it all
As you step out in the night, take a lesson from the trees
Watch the way they learn to bend with each breeze
Little victories
Everytime you make it through
It's another little victory
Day by day, minute by minute
Little victories

Warmly,

Colleen

http://www.coachingforwidows.com/