Time Out &Tune In

A warm hello,

As widows, we all share one commonality, the loss of our husbands to death, which by most standards, is one of the most traumatic events to occur in a lifetime. We also share a journey of re-discovery that includes many downs, ups, curves, bumps and vista's along the road. It is along this journey, where we all cry, learn, laugh, love and do much to figure it all out once again.

It has been almost 5 years now since Rory died, "how long has it been for you"? Along these years I've worked a great deal to re-discover myself and along the way follow my passion for coaching.

I coach business leaders and executives and enjoy it very much. It is rewarding. Also, I have a very deep passion for coaching women, especially widows. I feel such a pull or tug of my heart to support this group of amazing women who've also walked this walk. I've thought for quite some time that coaching widows was something I was meant to do. I changed my life and ended my previous long term career to do just that.

As a coach I work with my widow clients to put the pieces back together again. It is a joy to be in coaching relationships that support, acknowledge and challenge clients. Along the way, I learn more about myself and my journey.

Recently, I've been stuck. Don't we all feel stuck at one time or another. For me, I've been stuck with updating (or not updating) my http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ website. Stuck with writing (or not writing) this blog, as I've not posted since late February. Lately, I've been focusing on my corporate work and clients. AND, I've fallen in love with a brilliant, loving man and have been immersed in all that entails (this blog entry photo is from a recent event). Temporarily, and for some reason, it has made it more difficult to tap into the widow part of me, the part of me that I called upon to write these blogs etc. I have been on one of the beautiful vista's of the journey feeling so happy and fulfilled again for so many reasons. Isn't this what we all hope for and work for during the journey (to find our passions, learn, grow, laugh, love and be fulfilled)?

Hmm...So why would this happiness and fulfillment make it difficult for me to write? What was preventing me from taking action? I've been giving this a great deal of thought and introspection.

One of the coaching exercises I do with clients is the wheel of life. We look at the 8 major components of life (money, health, significant other, career, physical environment, friends/family, spirituality, personal development) We rank our level of satisfaction in each area. Until now, the significant other component has been very low personally (due to the circumstances). I've realized until now, I've been resistant to be in a true loving relationship. I've not been ready and now I am after much work on me. I've become crystal clear about what qualities and values must be present in a new relationship. The time is right.

Here is a statistic I ran across lately and it caused me to take action and dive back into my passion for supporting and coaching widows. Did you know that nearly 700,000 women lose their husbands each year and will be widows for an average of 14 years"? This is according to the the U.S. Bureau of the Census. This is a great number of women who, along with each of us, will have to learn how to put the pieces back together again.

My vision is to be a great coaching partner with women and widows during their personal journey of re-discovery.

Coach Corner:

Being ready is key. We must know and understand ourselves fully.

What are you learning from your past relationships and experiences? What support and help are you actively pursuing to re-discover you?

Remember, it doesn't matter how fast you go, as long as you are going in the right direction.

Warmly,

Colleen
Visit http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ for coaching, support and resources.

Colleen Phillips, CPCC, ACC

Dating and Relationships

Dear fellow widows,

Dating and relationships (in general) eventually come up as a major topic for women and widows alike. Many widows at some point find themselves wanting companionship and in some cases a relationship and potentially remarriage. Now this might not be for everyone, but in some to many cases along the journey it seems to fit and be a choice.

As widows we know a lot about life. We've seen life taken and we've experienced great joys and great sadness. We also know what it is like to love. We have great capacity to love ourselves, our family/friends and if/when it is right dating and perhaps even a serious relationship.

It all depends on what we each want. As we are all wonderful and diverse women we all want different things and at different times.

Now, my grandmother had NO desire to date again once my grandfather passed. My grandmother Cecilia had many opportunities to date again, however, she was very clear that is not what she wanted. She was funny and would say things such as "are you alright"? "I do not intend to do any other man's laundry."

Many widow clients I have coached have expressed a desire to date and have done so. It is an interesting dating world out there as some of you may have experienced. I have also spoken with many widows who are happily remarried. Depending where you personally are on your journey after losing your husband that may be something you yearn for or it may be something you cannot even fathom or get your head around. One remarried widow I spoke with told me that never in a million years would she have thought she would remarry, but here she was, moving on with her life with tremendous grace, strenth and happiness!

I've only dated one man since my husband passed. He is a wonderful person and we began a relationship. Although the relationship did not continue to grow, the gift in all of it is knowing the capacity to date, be in a relationship and love again is there for each of us, if it is something we indeed want.

A few months ago, I met a "dating expert" writer. Perhaps I'll interview her and provide tips for "widows dating"...Would that interest you? Let me know.

Coach Corner:

What is it you want now and in the future as it relates to a significant other? What are the qualities and values that must be present? When you are ready, start getting very clear about what is most important to you in a potential mate. What would it be like to just date? If you are already dating or in a new relationship, what would make it be that much more phenomenal?

Warmly,

Colleen