www.CoachingForWidows.com/blog

A warm hello,

My blog has moved to www.CoachingForWidows.com/blog. Please visit and visit often.

Warmly,
Colleen Phillips
941-739-4853
www.CoachingForWidows.com

Staying Grounded During Challenging Times

A warm hello,

Simultaneously, as we adapt, adjust and accept a spousal loss, there are many challenges and changes women face especially during our current challenging times.

I've been speaking with and coaching women who all are facing many changes during these times. Whether a woman is single, divorced, widowed, a career women, a business owner or a stay at home mom, it is certain she is adapting to some sort of change in her life. Perhaps you, as a widow, are facing changes and challenges not only with the loss of your husband (and all that entails), but in other areas as well.

Perhaps you are in the midst of raising small children, teenagers or adapting to foreclosures in your neighborhood. Perhaps you are juggling a career that makes additional demands of your time. Perhaps you have an abundance of new financial wealth or a loss of wealth. Perhaps you strive to make ends meet in today's challenging times. Perhaps you've lost a job or just started a new one. Perhaps you have moved and are starting over in a new geographical location or are adjusting to and re-creating a new life where you currently live. The list of changes and potential challenges does go on and on.

But wait, along with all the changes and challenges, what are the potential rewards?

What are the new opportunities and new experiences that are presented?

How do we stay grounded during challenging times?

How do we learn to stop, decompress, check in with ourselves on what is most important?

How do we want to spend our precious time?

How can we best take care of ourselves and those we most care about?

Finally, how do we stop fear or overwhelm from taking over and gain clarity, focus and inspiration to take bold steps forward?

Tips:

1. First breathe. Yes, breathe. Breathe it in and breathe it out. Have you ever caught yourself with shallow breath or even holding your breath? Take some deep breaths.

2. Exercise some self-care. Get enough sleep, eat healthy and get some exercise. Do something for yourself that brings you joy. Make some gesture in giving back to others. When you give you can receive so much in return.

3. Surround yourself with people who support you and will tell you the truth. Find mentors.

4. Take some quiet time to reflect on your life and your work. Take the wheel of life free assessment on http://www.coachingforwidows.com/. There is a personal wheel and a professional wheel. Complete both if appropriate. This assessment will begin to provide greater clarity for you on what is most important, what is working and what is not. It will help you begin to determine gaps, strategies and action steps for moving forward especially during these challenging times.

5. Once you've determined some strategies and action steps...take action. Thinking about it will not make any change or improvement, taking appropriate action will. If you need help, find others that have the skills and knowledge you need or want and ask for their guidance. Carpe Diem. Seize the Day. Make it Great!

6. Do not forget about engaging in some leisure time. You know, truly non-productive relaxation. Too often women can try to fill time with busy work, always moving and always doing. Some leisure time is important to find a balance that helps you stay grounded.

Here's to you,

Colleen

Colleen Phillips, Professional Coach, CPCC,ACC

For coaching and widow resources visit http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

Time Out &Tune In

A warm hello,

As widows, we all share one commonality, the loss of our husbands to death, which by most standards, is one of the most traumatic events to occur in a lifetime. We also share a journey of re-discovery that includes many downs, ups, curves, bumps and vista's along the road. It is along this journey, where we all cry, learn, laugh, love and do much to figure it all out once again.

It has been almost 5 years now since Rory died, "how long has it been for you"? Along these years I've worked a great deal to re-discover myself and along the way follow my passion for coaching.

I coach business leaders and executives and enjoy it very much. It is rewarding. Also, I have a very deep passion for coaching women, especially widows. I feel such a pull or tug of my heart to support this group of amazing women who've also walked this walk. I've thought for quite some time that coaching widows was something I was meant to do. I changed my life and ended my previous long term career to do just that.

As a coach I work with my widow clients to put the pieces back together again. It is a joy to be in coaching relationships that support, acknowledge and challenge clients. Along the way, I learn more about myself and my journey.

Recently, I've been stuck. Don't we all feel stuck at one time or another. For me, I've been stuck with updating (or not updating) my http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ website. Stuck with writing (or not writing) this blog, as I've not posted since late February. Lately, I've been focusing on my corporate work and clients. AND, I've fallen in love with a brilliant, loving man and have been immersed in all that entails (this blog entry photo is from a recent event). Temporarily, and for some reason, it has made it more difficult to tap into the widow part of me, the part of me that I called upon to write these blogs etc. I have been on one of the beautiful vista's of the journey feeling so happy and fulfilled again for so many reasons. Isn't this what we all hope for and work for during the journey (to find our passions, learn, grow, laugh, love and be fulfilled)?

Hmm...So why would this happiness and fulfillment make it difficult for me to write? What was preventing me from taking action? I've been giving this a great deal of thought and introspection.

One of the coaching exercises I do with clients is the wheel of life. We look at the 8 major components of life (money, health, significant other, career, physical environment, friends/family, spirituality, personal development) We rank our level of satisfaction in each area. Until now, the significant other component has been very low personally (due to the circumstances). I've realized until now, I've been resistant to be in a true loving relationship. I've not been ready and now I am after much work on me. I've become crystal clear about what qualities and values must be present in a new relationship. The time is right.

Here is a statistic I ran across lately and it caused me to take action and dive back into my passion for supporting and coaching widows. Did you know that nearly 700,000 women lose their husbands each year and will be widows for an average of 14 years"? This is according to the the U.S. Bureau of the Census. This is a great number of women who, along with each of us, will have to learn how to put the pieces back together again.

My vision is to be a great coaching partner with women and widows during their personal journey of re-discovery.

Coach Corner:

Being ready is key. We must know and understand ourselves fully.

What are you learning from your past relationships and experiences? What support and help are you actively pursuing to re-discover you?

Remember, it doesn't matter how fast you go, as long as you are going in the right direction.

Warmly,

Colleen
Visit http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ for coaching, support and resources.

Colleen Phillips, CPCC, ACC

Milestones

A warm hello,

We each have experienced "milestones" in our lives/careers, milestones we may be currently experiencing and milestones we have yet to experience. Every milestone is unique to each woman. In addition, and in a general sense there may be milestones that we may share.

Milestones are "markers" of sort. A marriage, the birth of a child, a graduation, a promotion, a demotion or downsizing, a new business, overcoming a big fear, and yes of course illness or death of a loved one. Life is full of milestones, isn't it?

What are some milestones you've experienced? How do you hold those memories, what are you more aware of and what have they taught you?

Some milestones are HUGE! Others are rites of passage, and still a big deal and meaningful. What are some of the milestones you are experiencing now in your life? Again, what are you learning and becoming more aware of? What is important and meaningful to you? How do you choose to honor that?

My son turned 8 years old today. It is hard to believe! He is moving from little boy to a bigger version of a little boy. He's growing up and getting so much taller. Today feels to me like a milestone. He's lived longer now without his daddy than with him. It is almost 5 years now. Another milestone.

Here is a milestone and something important I've learned in my personal journey of life (as a woman, widow, mother, coach, business owner, daughter, friend and significant other.) I've learned to move from "acceptance" to, as Byron Katie of "The Work" so eloquently writes it, "To Love What Is." It really is a powerful shift! I've gotten to a place after much work to "Love What Is". This has paved the road for me to become more comfortable in my own skin, become a better mother, a better coach and to be open for a new love in my life. This is a very big milestone. After Rory died and for years to follow, I wasn't ready for a significant other because I had to work on me first. I'm glad I did and am so grateful to "Love What Is" and to have an amazing love and significant other in my life now.

I've always said, rediscovering ourselves after the loss of our husbands no matter the circumstances, no matter the relationship we had, is a journey. May your journey bring you to a destination that you too can "Love What Is".

Coach Corner:

If you could move from acceptance to "Loving What Is" in your life, what would that be like? How would you feel? What is now possible?

Here's to You.

Warmly,

Colleen

Visit http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ for a sample coaching session and widow and transition resources.

Time Is On Our Side

A warm hello,

Time Is On Our Side.

I am thinking about all the many thoughts, sayings and songs on "time"out there...For example, there is an old Rolling Stones song entitled, "Time Is On Our Side". Also, I am certain each one of us have heard many references such as, "time heals wounds". As a widow, we've probably been inundated with well meaning friends and family members touting how time will help. They may says things such as "over time things will get better, over time we'll figure things out, how over time we may love again, how over time we'll learn to become a good single parent, how over time we'll become more productive at work, how over time we will actually become unstuck, regain focus and build a new life that actually works and works well."

The magic key to all of this is, how do we use our time? What do we learn? What do we change? What remains? What is important now? This is a learning process, a journey. We must be active participants in our usage of "time".

People say things such as "I don't have enough time, it takes too much time, if only I had more time". What are they really saying here? What do you think?

Well, we all have the same 24 hours in each day. It is what we choose to do with it. How we choose to spend our time, how we choose to grow and develop, how we choose to be actively engaged in the grieving process so we may move through it. Time alone helps, but we must show up and be active participants.

When we first lose our husbands, we are in survival mode, getting through a day at a time or even an hour or moment at a time. That may be the best we can do, and it is okay. However, over time, we each have the opportunity to fully engage in stepping into a new and potentially rewarding life full of things such as career, financial improvement, health, loving relationships and a deeper sense of our own abilities. To become more comfortable in our own skin even now that we've been widowed.

Time is truly on our side.

Today, I came across a poem of sorts I wrote 3 years ago about my husband. It was still laden with much pain, loss and loneliness. So, now these 3 years later, time has helped and importantly I have actively participated, showed up, got help, worked with a coach, learned about how I wanted to be for the rest of my life. I hope the same for each one of you. I hope you use your time to engage in your life, to learn, to grow, to heal, to love, to rediscover yourselves.

Working with a coach can absolutely help. Actively participating in support groups can help. There are many options available to you. Find what best supports you!

Coach Question: How can you actively make the best use of your time? What awaits you that you may begin to put into motion now?

Here's to you!

Warmly,
Colleen
www.CoachingForWidows.com Visit for more information and resources.

Believing You Can

A warm hello,

I have been having coaching conversations with women regarding their beliefs. Beliefs in themselves, beliefs that they have or do not have the ability to change, to grow, to persevere. Do they believe they can step forward, put the pieces of their lives back together in new and powerful ways?

What we believe is paramount. It either supports us taking powerful actions or it limits us. What beliefs do you hold? Which ones support you and which ones limit you. Take stock. Keep what works and clean out those which do not.

Here is a little story. Believing You Can
A young man fell asleep during math class. He woke up as the bell rang, looked at the blackboard, and copied down the two problems that were there. He assumed they were the homework for the night. He went home and labored the rest of the afternoon and into the evening knowing if he didn't complete the work he would surely fail the class.
He couldn't figure out either one but he kept trying for the rest of the week. Finally, he got the answer to one and brought it to class. The teacher was absolutely stunned. The boy feared he had done too little, too late. It turned out the problem he solved was supposedly unsolvable.
Power Commanders How did he do it? He was able to do what was thought to be impossible because he believed it was possible. He not only believed it was possible, he believed that if he didn't solve it he would fail the class. Had he known the problem was unsolvable he could never have done it.
Beliefs are the commanders of our brain.When we believe something is true, we literally go into the state of its being true. Handled effectively, beliefs can be the most powerful forces for creating good in our lives.
The Birth of Excellence. Beliefs control our destiny: The belief we have in ourselves...the belief others have in us. The birth of excellence begins with the awareness that our beliefs are a choice.
Beliefs are the compass and map that guide us to our goals. Believe you can do something -OR- believe you can't and you'll be right every time.

Here's to You!

Warmly,

Colleen

http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

Contact for a introductory coaching session

Little Victories

A warm hello,

A dear coaching client of mine, a widow named Carole from Oregon shared with me her "anthem". These are lyrics from a Bob Seger song titled "Little Victories". When I read it, I loved it and asked her permission to share on this blog. Thank you Carole!

Throughout the journey of widowhood there are "little victories" along the way. One after the other after the other. We grow, we learn and yes we may skin our knee but we become stronger, wiser and more compassionate.

Any little victory is a victory. Here is to your little victories.

When your baby up and leaves you
Up and leaves you flat
Don't you laugh my friend, sometimes it happens just like that
First you feel the anger, then the sorrow will soon take control
And there'll be hard times for sure
Long, cold lonely nights
It might not sound like much
But it'll mean a lot you'll see
Every hour you survive will come to be
A little victory
Little victory
As you struggle through each day
Each strange new day
Feelin' lost and wounded, tryin' hard to find your way
No one there to talk it out with
Learnin' how to sleep alone
Overcomin' each new doubt
Tryin' hard just to accept it all
Everytime you keep control when you're cut off at the knees
Everytime you take a punch and still stand at ease
Little victories
Little victories
And when night falls and there's no one around
The cruelest time of all and not one sound
Listenin' to the wind blow
Listenin' to the tickin' of the clock
Tryin' hard to forget
Tryin' hard to just accept it all
As you step out in the night, take a lesson from the trees
Watch the way they learn to bend with each breeze
Little victories
Everytime you make it through
It's another little victory
Day by day, minute by minute
Little victories

Warmly,

Colleen

http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

Transcending: Words on Women and Strength

A warm hello,

I've written often about the important role women friendships play throughout our lives. As a women and as a widow I've often found such richness in my friendships. I am thankful to have friends that supported me when my husband passed away and for all the other events in life.

Please watch the embedded video by Kelly Corrigan on U Tube and feel free to send it along to your women friends.

Transcending: Words on Women and Strength by Kelly CorriganAuthor Kelly Corrigan wrote this moving essay about women's remarkable capacity to support each other, to laugh together, and to endure. The full text is available in the paperback edition of her memoir, The Middle Place, on sale December 23, 2008.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q

We will transcend.

Warmly,

Colleen

Please visit http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ for additional resources and for a complimentary introductory coaching session.

A dear friend and a new widow

A warm hello,

I write this today with a heavy heart.

The circle of life. We are born, we live (hopefully to the fullest), and our lives on this earth at some point end. Those we love are born, live and eventually or all too soon pass away.

This morning, one of my dear friends and work partner/colleague passed away from lung cancer. His name was Kim (and a non-smoker). He was an engaging man who laughed a lot and helped those around him laugh as well. He made the world a better place just by being him. Everyone loved Kim, he was just one of those people you couldn't help but love. He had a beautiful wife and two great sons. Kim also used to be my late husbands boss and they had a phenomenal friendship as well.

Kim was there for me when Rory died. He came to my home hours after he passed along with others I am fortunate to have in my life now and at that time. His passing today hurts deeply and brings me back acutely to that day 4 1/2 years ago.

So what to do with all of this? What to write? How to help? How to help his wife, his family and in a broader scope how to help more widows? This is on my mind and in my heart.

As with all new widows, getting through the day and lets face it, getting through minute to minute is what we can do. I will do my best to provide to his widow grief resources and recommendations for initial grief support. I'll be there for her when/if she could benefit from coaching. My heart goes out to her and wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better.

Unfortunately I can't do that, as much as I wish I could. What I and what each of us can do is to live while we are here the best life we can, be the best role model we can be for our children, rediscover ourselves, be strong, laugh again and give back to others. There will be many more widows and widowers to follow in our footsteps and we each have an opportunity (when we are ready) and far enough along on our grief journey to help and support those who follow.

Here's to my dear friend Kim and wishing for his wife (widow) and family strength and grace during this time and beyond. I know someday soon they'll smile again.

Here is a quote by Sara Paddison I would like to share. "Hope is a higher frequency, and as you begin to re-connect with your heart, hope is waiting to share with you new possibilities and arrest the downward spiral of grief and loneliness. Listening to the still small voice in your heart will make hope into a reality."

Here is to all on the journey of widowhood.

Warmly,
Colleen

Greater Fitness = Greater Energy in '09

A warm hello,

Have you noticed lately the "usual" ads, commercials, and paid programs for fitness and weight loss. As people make their New Years Resolutions, many (widows too!) want to improve some aspect of their fitness, weight etc. which in turn can lead to greater energy, health and confidence. Becoming more fit and becoming healthier is a terrific idea. However, what will make it really happen is being committed to specific goals and plans and being consistent. My trainer always stresses the importance of consistency and will often state how being consistent is smarter and more effective than going gang busters and then slacking off etc. Also, my trainer always teaches that we (our bodies) are our greatest tool and other aids or just that, aids. Case in point and a pretty funny story. A friend of mine has a closet full of exercise aids, (ab roller, thigh master, stepper, balls, bands, weights, tapes etc.) One day (on an "infomercial") she bought another exercise program (aid) because she thought "it would change her life". When it arrived on her door, it looked familiar. Guess what, she already had it in her closet. So, the exercise program or aid cannot change a life, but each person can if they are committed, have specific goals and a plan and stay consistent.

Recently a local magazine published these questions I wrote to support 3 new moms I'll be coaching in a Mom Body Challenge Contest. I share them here to help get you started as well if you are interested in greater fitness=greater energy in '09.

1. What is important to you about becoming healthier and fit? How will this positively impact your life?

2. What are the goals that you want to achieve? Set specific goals and make a realistic plan.

3. What environment will support you best? Hows can you create a physical and social environment that supports your goals?

4. It is all about making this a priority. How can you balance your life so you'll have time to exercise and eat well?

5. What triggers or sabotages you? Learn how to pause and gain the power to respond rather than react to triggers or cravings.

6. Let go of excuses and start thinking positively about the weight loss and fitness process.

Here's to you!

Warmly,

Colleen

http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

http://www.phillipscoaching.com/

New Year

Coaching For Widows & Phillips Coaching would like to wish you a safe & Happy New Year! As one year ends and another begins, take the time to reflect on the past, look forward to the future, and enjoy the presence of the people who add meaning to each moment of everyday!

Warmly,

Colleen
http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

http://www.phillipscoaching.com/

Single Parenting

A warm hello,

Are you a single parent? Recently, I've received emails and calls from women who are widowed single parents. They've stated they are (at times) struggling and are feeling stuck in general. In addition, I've spoken with others that are divorced single parents and they too are having their challenges as well. Bottom line, the underlying theme is how much each woman loves their children and how much each woman wants to find their own best way to raise them. As the holiday season is upon us, it can raise issues and questions.

So, what will make 2009 a banner year for you as a woman and as a mother?

In my coaching practice I work with women (widowed, divorced and some married as well) and in each case we work together to craft strategies and plans to achieve what each client wants most. I remember, when I was first a coaching client, I worked to clearly identify what I most wanted for my son and my role as mom. I created strategies and plans, took action (lots of action) and saw amazing progress along the way. Ask yourself what is important. What you want to start, stop and continue. This is a big deal!

Here are some things I learned:

1. Be consistent (this is huge!)

2. Be there, really be present. When I am with my son, I always block out special time for "play".

3. Get down to their eye level when communicating something of great importance.

4. Listen. Watch. Pay attention. Build on their strengths. (Really) Acknowledge their accomplishments and quickly redirect behavior as appropriate.

5. Get enough sleep. Early on after my husband passed away, I was sleep deprived and it made it very difficult.

6. Get some advice from experts. (books, websites, friends, family)

7. If your child is young, have visuals. (to do's, responsibilities, rewards etc.--make visuals together so they are part of the process and are engaged)

My son is 7 and is out of school today through Jan 6th. At 9:30am this morning he was already saying he was bored and wanted to play with some friends. Oh, that reminds me, I must plan more playdates for him and "play time" for him and me. It is good for him and good for me, otherwise it will be a long holiday break. Juggling it all, and you know what I mean, can be a bit much at times, but with setting a good stage, crafting a good plan and following through on those actions, it will make for a happy mom, happy child and happy holiday season.

Happy Holidays to all!

Warmly,

Colleen

http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

7 1/2 Highly Effective Habits for 2009

A warm hello,

11 months have passed since last New Year's Eve. Perhaps much has happened this year, perhaps not. If 2008 was the year your husband passed you were more than likely just trying to put one foot in front of the other. If 2008 was year two, that generally brings in more than expected. Year 2 can feel harder in some ways and at the same time you are taking bolder steps towards recreating your life and making changes that suit. If you are in year 3 and beyond, you are hopefully well on your way to putting all the pieces back together. Whatever the case, how would you assess your 2008? How would you like to make 2009 the year you lived "on purpose"? You'll be amazed at how much control you have of your life, which naturally allows you to accomplish ANYTHING to which you set your mind.

With 2008 ending in just a few weeks, now is the perfect opportunity to develop visions (supported by personally crafted 7 1/2 highly effective habits) for how you want your life to be in 2009. During the past year, I have seen people achieve amazing things by simply committing to making it happen. My clients can testify they started out their coaching program with some doubt their visions would become a reality, but four months later they saw vision after vision come true and by the end of the program they were amazed at how much they had accomplished in such period of time.

It breaks my heart when I meet women and especially widows who have been feeling stuck and unfocused for a long period of time. (I met a women the other day who has been feeling this way for 10 years since her husband passed!) So, as you prepare for 2009, I encourage you to take an hour out of your day to develop visions for how you want your life to be next year. Once you do that, create some strategies (habits) and a plan to get there. If you need help and guidance, reach out for help. I am offering a 20 minute complimentary strategy session to support you in getting started and becoming more focused. Visit http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ to register for a complimentary strategy session. Also, I've been getting many requests from women to support them with crafting their resumes, improving their interviewing skills and professional skills. With over 21 years of professional experience I can lend support to you in this arena as well. Many women are wanting to find a job, change jobs or careers or get promoted to a higher level. What visions do you have for 2009? Let's get started.

Here's to you.

Warmly,

Colleen

Requested Holiday Advice

A warm hello,

I received an email today from someone I follow on "twitter". http://www.twitter.com/ (a social networking site) and she requested holiday advice as she is feeling the challenge of being alone during the holidays. How many of you can relate to the challenge of being alone during the holidays?

Recently, I struggled with the alone thing as I tried to put up our outdoor Christmas lights (I did the best I could). It will be a more environmentally friendly Christmas this year as I could only do so much; so we will do a good thing for our planet. It can also be somewhat sad as couple friends go to parties, and couples and families do all the holiday planning and celebrating together. It is always important to remember that I (we) are not alone...we may have children, parents and family/friends.

Here are some pieces of advice from my personal experiences as coach, mom and widow.

1. Give yourself a break. Be kind to yourself. Take some "me" time. Today I took some me time that was very much needed and stole some time at the beach. (yes it is December but living in SW Florida it is one of the perks!). What can you do for you? Nurture yourself. If you don't give to yourself, it makes it hard over time to do your best and give to others. If you like to travel, plan a trip (it can be some place close or far away.) The picture above is of Venice, Italy. Italy will be my next European trip.

2. Open yourself up to attending parties or get togethers. Invite friends over. Call people and reconnect. Ask some friends to go out for lunch/dinner or a coffee. If you enjoy the company of others, find those that make you laugh, listen well and care about you and you care about.

3. On the flip side, take in some quiet time. Read a book, or watch a holiday classic that makes you feel good or evokes some emotion that would be healthy for you to experience. Sometimes even a good cry is good.

4. Keep it simple. Find ways to simplify. Make lists. Set some boundaries on what you want to do and can do. This year, I am simplifying more than ever.

5. Exercise, get enough sleep and eat healthy. (well with the holiday's that may be challenging, just do what you can, splurge a bit...and be kind to yourself)

6. If you are thinking about dating, jump in when you are ready. Remember a date is not marriage and can be fun. Actually, it is a mindset of dating vs. a relationship. Start there and have some healthy fun. There are many avenues to explore as there are church groups for singles, speed dating, on line dating sites and of course you can always meet a special someone in the book or grocery store.

7. There are times when looking at old photo albums, watching old home movies, reading cards from my husband help. Well, it hurts and it helps. The other day I was organizing the garage and I have a big box full of cards etc. I read some cards my husband had given me. I cried, I laughed, and I cried some more. All of it was good, even the tears. It is a physical reminder of what we shared and the love we had for one another. If you are in a very emotional state, this is one activity you may want to do at another time.

8. If you have children...enjoy the season with them. Experience the joy of the season through their eyes. Make it special for them and for you, but where you can, remember to keep it simple especially if you are in "overwhelm"

9. If you are spiritual or religious, take in rituals that feed the soul.

10. Smile. Laugh. I know sometimes it can be hard, but it is contagious. It is proven to make you feel better. Go ahead. Smile. Laugh. Are you doing it? Do it again and again.

Happy Holidays.

Warmly,

Colleen

www.CoachingForWidows.com

Customer Service-Customer Intelligence

A warm hello,

I am going to put it right out there...I am pretty cranked up and frustrated about something. When I got home last night, I checked the mail and there was another mailing addressed to my deceased husband. Now, it has been 4 and 1/2 years since he's passed, all the announcements went out as appropriate, post office notified, every piece of mail that has had his name on it, I've physically written "deceased, please remove from mailing list." Now, I am going to hunt down a leader in this particular organization (that is sending this direct marketing letter) and educate them, let them know the negative impact it is having on me and direct them to stop sending him mail.

In today's world, where service is becoming more and more obsolete and the need for greater customer service and customer experience more important than ever (as customers become more price conscious), why would companies not take the time to take important customer information or customer intelligence, update their records and find a way to recover from their mishaps? It is interesting, this particular piece of mail (that I've received with my husbands name on several times) is regarding children's life insurance. As you may have read on previous blogs, I am a big proponent of life insurance (especially after what I've experienced) and have taken it to heart to ensure my son will be provided for if anything were to happen to me. Now, I may have seriously considered this children's life insurance offer, but why would I entertain conducting business with any company that cannot take the necessary steps to recover after a customer mishap. Mistakes happen, no problem and they can be fixed. Mistakes that happen, and are not fixed, a big problem. Companies and businesses lose. What companies and businesses today want to lose customers and potential sales? Obviously, there are quite a few. hmmm...how much better our economy could be if more attention was paid to us the customer?

Yesterday, I attended a phenomenal seminar with John DiJulius of the DiJulius Group. http://www.thedijuliusgroup.com/. The seminar was entitled "What's the Secret to Providing a World Class Customer Experience". John has written two best selling books on customer service, and he is passionate about this topic. In my life and career, providing an extraordinary service experience for my co-workers, team, customers and clients has always been top of mind. So, as I continue to do my best to provide service it is also important to speak up when I don't and educate companies when they've made a mistake. It is perhaps the only way they'll have an opportunity to "do right".

So, if you are in business and service is important to you and your company, I recommend visiting the http://www.thedijuliusgroup.com/ for some great resources that may assist and support you. If you are a consumer/customer and get great service--woohoo--celebrate and thank them. If you get poor service, or you too find yourself still getting mail with your husband's name on it and it bothers you at all, let them know. I'm surprised it has taken me this long to pick up the phone. Going to the seminar yesterday, just put me back in touch with--it just isn't okay any more to accept these kind of mistakes especially when I've made attempts to give them the customer information and intelligence to fix it.

Well, I've got a phone call to make. Wish me luck!

Warmly,

Colleen

Anniversary, holidays & Carpe Diem

A warm hello,

Pictured above is our Christmas tree my son and I put up and decorated yesterday. It is always one of my favorite activities of the year. I love the ritual and a blend of the old and the new. Over the last 4 years, while decorating our trees, I did find myself sad at times even though I loved it. It was so hard to see the ornaments, and to miss my husband all the more. This year was easier, and part of that is the time that has passed, the personal growth and development I've undertaken and the wonderful coaching clients I have the honor of working with, supporting and learning from as well.

My son was so engaged in the process and was hands on decorating (until of course his attention span dwindled) and I was left finishing up. (that is a 7 year old for you!) We had so much fun unwrapping and he had his favorites, knew which ones were his daddy's, which were mine, which were our families. He loved looking at his baby pictures in some of the ornaments and he remembered some great memories. This was another great opportunity to continue linking the new with the old and sharing stories of dad and creating new memories as well. All in all it was great!

A few days ago (On Thanksgiving Day actually) it was the 4 1/2 year anniversary of Rory's passing. In some ways it seems like a lifetime ago and in others, very recent. He is in my heart and it feels good to have him there as I continue to Embrace Life now and going forward.

This weekend, my dad who is now 73 years old was helping me take down the Christmas boxes (lights, ornaments, decorations) from my attic. He fell off a high ladder while helping me. Thankfully he is okay. My heart was in my throat when he fell and I was so worried about his well being and health. He will not be getting on any ladder on my watch again.

My dad falling, again reinforced to me how important "Carpe Diem" (seize the day) is. This time of year is great for reflection and it is also a time to "Carpe Diem". I cannot take for granted anything and have great opportunity to ensure I seize the day with those I love.

Coach Corner:
What does "Carpe Diem" mean to you? How and in what ways could you seize the day?




Here's to you.

Warmly,
Colleen

Holiday Support

A warm Hello,



With Thanksgiving just a few days away, I want to take a few moments and provide a few links that may benefit by providing additional support during this holiday season. If you are a newer widow these may help.

www.forwidowsonly.com/Holidaysandwidows.htm
www.healthadel.com/a-widows-guide-to-surviving-the-holidays

As I get ready for Thanksgiving I am thinking about all I have to be grateful and thankful for. Although each of us as widows have lost greatly, there are so many people and things to be thankful for. For me, it helps to pay attention to what I have versus focusing on what I have lost. My late husband will always be with me in my heart no matter what.

My thanks and gratitude top ten:
1. My son and his health
2. My health, energy and continuing to improve personal fitness level
3. My family (who have stood by me in good and difficult times)
4. My friends (who continuously provide me with love and laughter) Some of which are in the picture above at a recent Bus/Vikings football game.
5. My clients (who I value and learn from every day)
6. The companies I have been fortunate to work with. (The Ken Blanchard Companies, LensCrafters/Luxottica Retail)
7. The opportunity to write for a local magazine and work one on one with my trainer.
8. Where I live (beautiful Florida)
9. The opportunity to give back to the community and help others (when you give you get much more in return)
10. The opportunity to strike out on my own, start a business and live my dream.
Bonus: Being ready to date again and open to new relationships.

Coach Corner:
What can support you this holiday season? Take care of you and find something, some group, some friends, perhaps visit the links above, create your top 10 list etc.

Happy Thanksgiving to you.

Warmly,
Colleen

85 degrees and yes Thanksgiving is next week--What?

A warm hello,

Has this year gone by quickly for you? Depending on your life and circumstances, your answer may be similar or very different from mine. For me, this year has literally flown by and I am almost taken by surprise that the holidays are just around the corner. Living in Florida now (where it was 85 degrees Fahrenheit a few days ago) it seems still so strange to not have cold weather as the holidays approach.

For widows and others, the holidays can often trigger emotions which can include stress, indecisiveness and depending on where you are on your journey, yes even joy and happiness. One of my clients is at somewhat of a crossroads on her "widow journey" and is trying to take a step forward, stand on her own two feet and honor her value of family as the upcoming holiday season quickly approaches. Although much has changed for her (for many of us since our husband's passed) it does mean things cannot be exactly the way they once were, but we now have an opportunity to recreate how we most want to create new memories, honor the past and embrace life and the holidays.

As Thanksgiving is next week, it is always to time to share how we are thankful or grateful. For me, being grateful is a great thing to do 365 days a year. Somewhere along the way I have gotten much more engaged in being grateful for my family/friends, what I have, whom I love, my health, my clients etc. and less about what I have lost and how challenging being a single parent can be.

Coach Corner:

• What new memories might you wish to create this holiday season and which activities from the past would you like to continue?
• How can you honor your past, be engaged in the present and embrace your life?
• What are you grateful for? By the way, if this interests you and you personally enjoy writing, you can purchase the Gratitude Journal by Rhonda Byrne from the Secret. It is available at major book stores. I find it to be a great resource!

Here's to you and to a great holiday season.

Warmly,
Colleen

Moments in Time...Genius..Feedback

A warm hello,

There have been many moments in time that I have reflected on that revolve around my late husband and our marriage. If you are a widow reading this, I can confidently say, you more than likely have done the same. Many of these moments in time are a source of warmth, fondness, sometimes sadness and perhaps a myriad of other emotions and remembrances.

Recently, I've recalled a few moments in time (outside of my time with my husband) and how in some ways they have threaded together and have just made me darn curious. Let me preface what I am about to write with this, I am somewhat scared of heights. (It may have something to do with falling out of a high tree fort at a young age:-)

First memory, a proud one to be sure was when I won the 13 and over state springboard diving championship. It was a one meter springboard, so not very high in the air.

Second memory, sophomore year of high school, I took the winter season off from gymnastics to dive with the swim team. Later that year, I was invited to travel with, compete and practice with Brown University's swim and diving team. Brown's pool is a 50 meter pool in one direction, 25 meters in the other and included two 1 meter springboards (obviously my favorite and my "safe" place), two 3 meter springboards (moving into I'm nervous land) and 1 ten meter platform (moving into, OMG, Yicks!!). Our diving coach, Dave would be out on a floating platform in the water, so he could get a good look at our dives and call out feedback, correction, positive reinforcement and call for dives he wanted us to do. Well, the day came when Dave called out for me to go up to the platform and do a very simple dive called a "landing". I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a very long climb up the long ladder, the American Flag was hanging, there were two chairs up on top and it was a very high ten meters. I wanted to go off the platform, but I was terrified...I am not a quitter, but I just couldn't do it. I walked back down and that was it and my diving career was over. My parents were somewhat disappointed as there had been initial conversation regarding a free scholarship to Brown for my college years. An IVY league education would have been awesome! This moment in time, stayed with my for many years.

Third memory was much later in life during my corporate career, within the past ten years. We went to Leadership Challenge and participated in many experiential leadership learning activities. One activity was the "tree course" high up in the sky. Hooks, and cords etc...I was partnered with one of our senior executives and really did not want him to "see me sweat". Not only did I sweat, I was petrified. All of my fears, and my memories of that day at Brown University came flying back. With my partners phenomenal encouragement, praise and his willingness to listen and be there for me I successfully completed the tree and ropes course and finished with an incredible sense of relief, accomplishment and personal fulfillment.

Just because something has held us back before, it doesn't mean we can't move past it at some point and in some new way.

Sometimes it is just our beliefs that get in the way. One belief I have (had) is that I am not very talented when it comes to building things. Case in point. Last night my son and I were making his Lego Star Wars Spaceship and he is really good at it and again I believe (believed) I am not very good. At one moment, Ryan needed my help to find a piece and put it together. When I completed it, he immediately said "Genius", "way to go Mom". Feedback is such a gift, it can really help shift our beliefs, create new experiences, change our behaviors and achieve new and often better results.

Coach Corner:

Where in your life would you (and others) benefit from providing or asking for feedback?

Here's to You.

Warmly,

Colleen

Greetings from Kenya

A warm hello,

I am still amazed at how small our world has become and am excited by all the possibilities it presents. With the Internet, social media and networking (IE. twitter, Facebook, blogging) to name a few, it is easier than ever to reach out and connect with others across the world. I find myself more than ever reading and watching news from other parts of the world (secretly I am a huge BBC fan!) as it always slants a somewhat different perspective on the world and obviously shares more about what is going on outside of this country)

Recently I have been in correspondence with a woman from Kenya by the name of Joyce. I received an email entitled "Greetings From Kenya". Joyce found my website (http://www.coachingforwidows.com/) and has asked to connect. We are speaking this Friday and I am excited and curious to learn more about Kenya and the needs of widows in her country. Since the death of my husband almost 4 1/2 years ago, I am on a mission to help women and widows remove barriers, develop new and empowering strategies for life and business and be all they can be. With our world becoming smaller in some ways, I am grateful for meeting such like minded individuals who are passionate about making a positive difference in our world.

As a reminder, and speaking of like minded individuals, the First National (U.S.) Widowhood Conference (San Diego, CA) is shaking up to become a phenomenal event. You have plenty of time to plan and schedule to attend, if you are interested. I will be one of the presenters and part of a group of phenomenal, powerful and inspired women. Please visit http://www.sslf.org/ for more information. I hope to see you there. I hope to meet women not only from our country but from all over the world. Now, I have a special interest in a special woman from Kenya.

Coach Question:

As you look at your world, what are the possibilities when you broaden the definition of "your world" and expand your opportunities to connect with diverse others? Hmm....