Yes, "Kitchen Boy". Sounds strange and yet to me it makes me laugh. (More at www.CoachingForWidows.com)
Here is how it all started. Several years ago I used to present and facilitate leadership training programs at very big corporate conferences and my dear husband would be "kitchen boy". It was a term given by him as he laughed about it all. Rory would sit in the kitchen on a chair and God bless him, he would be my student and listen and participate. I would go on and on...Sometimes the programs I would train could go up to 2 and 1/2 days in length. That is a great deal of time to be "kitchen boy"!
Recently, I found myself venturing into this work again and into preparing for yet another big training event. It had been a few years since I had done this kind of work and as I began my preparation process, I once again realized, "where is KITCHEN BOY?" Again, it came through just how much I missed my husband and how much he must have really loved me to do this! More, I smile and I laughed. I felt such a lightness in all of it. I won't lie, there is other heavy stuff too, but not as much. There is such joy and remembrance. Now I can't say preparing for these things and having your husband be "kitchen boy" is like a night out at a comedy show, but it its own way, it sure was fun.
It is so good to be able to love. I realize all the time how much Rory loved me (how much I loved him) and how lucky I was to have had 10 amazing years of marriage and a beautiful son. Now, for me, and for all of us...it comes down to love. Loving ourselves, first and foremost. I mean really loving ourselves. For I believe it is in this place of self-love we can heal, grieve, and be happy and fulfilled once again.
What is one thing that you, yes you, reading this do to take a step forward? To step away from self doubt and own what a beautiful and loving person you are and are becoming more and more with each passing day...
Warmly,
Colleen http://www.coachingforwidows.com/
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
My son and me; watching a Daddy DVD
Hello to all, More at www.CoachingForWidows.com
About a year and a half ago I took all of our family VHS tapes and had them made into DVD's. I remember what a huge deal that was. It was still difficult to touch those tapes and then turn them over to a professional to upgrade them, I was afraid. It was a big deal. Those tapes had most of what I thought was left of my husband Rory and I was scared to part with them.
On more than a few occasions I have asked my son if he would like to watch a DVD of himself, his daddy, mommy and friends/family. He has been unsure and has repeatedly said things like, "maybe tomorrow".
Tonight I took "the box" of DVD's and showed him some pictures on the covers and gratefully for us both, he too was ready.
So, watching a DVD of my husband and our life with my now 6 year old was yes, all you imagine. Tears, laughter, pure joy, remembrance in the purest sense, continued grief, and something I am not sure I can even definitively name.
My son laughed. Yes, he laughed. We laughed. There was joy and yes, I cried too (albeit silent tears). My 6 year old asked about the tears, and then said "mommy don't cry" and then he laughed again at something on the DVD. WOW!! The belly laughs he let out watching our lives several years back was, "worth the price of admission!"
Here is what resonates. This experience has changed me profoundly. I would gladly and eagerly give anything and everything I have to have my husband Rory back, and sadly we all know that having our spouse back is just not possible.
In my gut and in my soul I know I will always miss him, and because of or in spite of, I believe I will go on to do good work and help others.
That "belly laugh" is something I really really want to experience again and again. It is powerful. To find a life and work that gives you that "belly laugh" and makes you whole is pretty spectacular or as my husband would say "outstanding". This is what I wish for my son and for you all.
My vision and quest is for us widows to go through our grief and "reach for the brass ring". Reach out, post and share when you are ready.
Let's make something great!
Warmly,
Colleen
About a year and a half ago I took all of our family VHS tapes and had them made into DVD's. I remember what a huge deal that was. It was still difficult to touch those tapes and then turn them over to a professional to upgrade them, I was afraid. It was a big deal. Those tapes had most of what I thought was left of my husband Rory and I was scared to part with them.
On more than a few occasions I have asked my son if he would like to watch a DVD of himself, his daddy, mommy and friends/family. He has been unsure and has repeatedly said things like, "maybe tomorrow".
Tonight I took "the box" of DVD's and showed him some pictures on the covers and gratefully for us both, he too was ready.
So, watching a DVD of my husband and our life with my now 6 year old was yes, all you imagine. Tears, laughter, pure joy, remembrance in the purest sense, continued grief, and something I am not sure I can even definitively name.
My son laughed. Yes, he laughed. We laughed. There was joy and yes, I cried too (albeit silent tears). My 6 year old asked about the tears, and then said "mommy don't cry" and then he laughed again at something on the DVD. WOW!! The belly laughs he let out watching our lives several years back was, "worth the price of admission!"
Here is what resonates. This experience has changed me profoundly. I would gladly and eagerly give anything and everything I have to have my husband Rory back, and sadly we all know that having our spouse back is just not possible.
In my gut and in my soul I know I will always miss him, and because of or in spite of, I believe I will go on to do good work and help others.
That "belly laugh" is something I really really want to experience again and again. It is powerful. To find a life and work that gives you that "belly laugh" and makes you whole is pretty spectacular or as my husband would say "outstanding". This is what I wish for my son and for you all.
My vision and quest is for us widows to go through our grief and "reach for the brass ring". Reach out, post and share when you are ready.
Let's make something great!
Warmly,
Colleen
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
First Blog Widows Walk Speak
Hello, More at www.CoachingForWidows.com
It is with a heavy, yet faithful heart and soul, I reach out. This is my first blog. Okay, I'm 43, and blogging is a big deal because it is new to me. Somewhere I got lost between gen x and boomers, and gen y's etc.
So, here's why I am here. My husband Rory (who was my best friend) lost his battle with cancer 3 years ago. He was 39 years old and fought with such grace to stay alive. He so wanted to be in the life of our beloved young son Ryan who was (just few months old when he was diagnosed) and just 3 years old at his passing.
Here is my quest, my vision. I believe widows know more about life and about death than many and I wish to be there to help other young and middle aged widows pick up the pieces and go on to live extraordinary lives.
I left my corporate job over a year ago and became a professional coach. I coach young/middle aged widows find what is most important to them now, and to find their new normal. I am in process of writing a book for widows and deeply want to help and serve others who have been through this experience.
I open this blog up to you all. Those of you have experienced spousal loss and wish to become "unstuck" and "come alive again". Feel free to post your thoughts and reflections. Together we can build a community of not only support but of "going for the brass ring". To live a life of purpose, of meaning, of joy.
Best,
Colleen
It is with a heavy, yet faithful heart and soul, I reach out. This is my first blog. Okay, I'm 43, and blogging is a big deal because it is new to me. Somewhere I got lost between gen x and boomers, and gen y's etc.
So, here's why I am here. My husband Rory (who was my best friend) lost his battle with cancer 3 years ago. He was 39 years old and fought with such grace to stay alive. He so wanted to be in the life of our beloved young son Ryan who was (just few months old when he was diagnosed) and just 3 years old at his passing.
Here is my quest, my vision. I believe widows know more about life and about death than many and I wish to be there to help other young and middle aged widows pick up the pieces and go on to live extraordinary lives.
I left my corporate job over a year ago and became a professional coach. I coach young/middle aged widows find what is most important to them now, and to find their new normal. I am in process of writing a book for widows and deeply want to help and serve others who have been through this experience.
I open this blog up to you all. Those of you have experienced spousal loss and wish to become "unstuck" and "come alive again". Feel free to post your thoughts and reflections. Together we can build a community of not only support but of "going for the brass ring". To live a life of purpose, of meaning, of joy.
Best,
Colleen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
