Hello to all in the club. The "widow club" that is. (More at www.CoachingForWidows.com)
Stages 2 and 3.
In stage 2, we are likely to be really immersed in our feelings and deeply connected to one's self. It is at this point we begin to take stock in our values and our beliefs. We continue to question "why" our husband was taken from us.
It was in this stage, I first began with my coach. I'll be honest, I knew I wanted to go through the stages, however, I was scared of really "dealing". I mean, the no holding back kind of dealing. I would ask myself, can I be still? (as in stop running from it (Rory's death) and doing the "busy stuff"). Can I be with this pain? Who am I now? What is important now that my world has tipped on its side? Having a champion, someone who had been there and done that, and someone who would help me find new perspectives (ways of looking at things) was extraordinarily helpful.
Here in stage 2 we contend with our new reality, develop new insights, reconstruct our personal values and beliefs and begin to accept and let go.
If you, fellow widow reading this find yourself in this stage 2 place, how are you doing? What aspects of this stage are you not ready to deal with yet, are working on presently and have completed? Take stock. Connect with your progress, your journey, your new insights. Give yourself a hug!
Stage 3: A time for renewal, acceptance, development of social relations and decisions about changes in lifestyle. We begin to be in the present, as opposed to the past. It was in this stage I could finally talk about my husband without crying (all the time). I felt as if I was driving my car and looking at my surroundings, using my side view mirrors, looking ahead and periodically looking in the rear view mirrow. The big shift for me was, I wasn't always looking in the rear view mirror. I was now living in the present and creating my new normal.
What about you? If you are in this stage...what's possible for you? What do you dream about? What do you want?
About "what do you want"...Do you know how often I used to acknowledge what I didn't want? Here and now I can claim and state what I do want. I wish for you this as well.
Realize there are choices. What are the new chapters you wish to write in your book of life?
I wish for you all happiness, love and health.
Warmly,
Colleen
http://www.coachingforwidows.com/
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Stage 1
Dear fellow widows,
It has been a few weeks since my last post. I've been traveling to Texas conducting leadership training for a couple of corporations and it has been keeping me very busy. When I get home, I want to spend the precious time with my son. Even so, this blog has been on my mind. I've been thinking about Stage 1 and remembering...It feels heavy in this Stage 1 place. Stage 1 is a stage (literally) in the grief journey. Working though it and experiencing it (albeit very difficult) is a must.
Here is to all of us on this journey. Remember, to visit the links and resources on my website www.CoachingForWidows.com for additional support.
STAGE 1: Acclimation and Adjustment
Stage 1 is a period of acclimation and adjustment, in which the primary issues faced by the newly bereaved can be broken down into four tasks.
1. Adjusting. You come to accept that your loved one is gone, and you begin making sense of the new set of circumstances n your life.
2. Functioning. It’s a cruel irony that the practicalities of mortgage payments, funeral expenses, insurance claims, hospital bills, disbursing of possessions, or getting back to work hit you at a time when you are least up to facing these issues. But despite your loss, you need to accept that you have a life to lead and must continue to deal with your everyday responsibilities.
3. Keeping in check. The temptation in the face of a tremendous loss is to emotionally shut down or, at the other extreme, to let your emotions and behavior flow unchecked. On of the tasks of Stage 1 is to find a way to manage your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
4. Accepting support. Often, you don’t have to face your loss alone. Learning to accept the kindness, help, encouragement, and support of the friends, family, and others who populate your life is important.
If you are in stage 1, please reach out and accept support. Get a support team. It really helps. It is too soon, (in stage 1) in my opinion to consider coaching. However, grief counseling, family, friends, church, fellow widows you may know etc. are great options.
If you are in this stage, think about who you can reach out to and what do you need/want?
Warmly,
Colleen
It has been a few weeks since my last post. I've been traveling to Texas conducting leadership training for a couple of corporations and it has been keeping me very busy. When I get home, I want to spend the precious time with my son. Even so, this blog has been on my mind. I've been thinking about Stage 1 and remembering...It feels heavy in this Stage 1 place. Stage 1 is a stage (literally) in the grief journey. Working though it and experiencing it (albeit very difficult) is a must.
Here is to all of us on this journey. Remember, to visit the links and resources on my website www.CoachingForWidows.com for additional support.
STAGE 1: Acclimation and Adjustment
Stage 1 is a period of acclimation and adjustment, in which the primary issues faced by the newly bereaved can be broken down into four tasks.
1. Adjusting. You come to accept that your loved one is gone, and you begin making sense of the new set of circumstances n your life.
2. Functioning. It’s a cruel irony that the practicalities of mortgage payments, funeral expenses, insurance claims, hospital bills, disbursing of possessions, or getting back to work hit you at a time when you are least up to facing these issues. But despite your loss, you need to accept that you have a life to lead and must continue to deal with your everyday responsibilities.
3. Keeping in check. The temptation in the face of a tremendous loss is to emotionally shut down or, at the other extreme, to let your emotions and behavior flow unchecked. On of the tasks of Stage 1 is to find a way to manage your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
4. Accepting support. Often, you don’t have to face your loss alone. Learning to accept the kindness, help, encouragement, and support of the friends, family, and others who populate your life is important.
If you are in stage 1, please reach out and accept support. Get a support team. It really helps. It is too soon, (in stage 1) in my opinion to consider coaching. However, grief counseling, family, friends, church, fellow widows you may know etc. are great options.
If you are in this stage, think about who you can reach out to and what do you need/want?
Warmly,
Colleen
Friday, February 1, 2008
Hello fellow widows,
Visit my website www.CoachingForWidows.com and check out the links and resources page for additional helpful information.
Today, I wanted to address the stages of grief. It is important to lay it all out there. I'm sure most of you have read these stages some place or another. I'll place the stage overview on today's blog and over the next few weeks will go more deeply into each stage and share some reflections and pose some questions to you the reader to serve your journey as well.
The goals of grief work are not to find ways to avoid or bypass the emotional turmoil and upsets brought by your loss. Instead, they involve working through the tasks and emotions of each stage of grief.
STAGE 1: ACCLIMATION AND ADJUSTMENT
· Adjusting, Functioning, Keeping in Check, Accepting Support
STAGE 2: EMOTIONAL IMMERSION AND DECONSTRUCTION
· Contending with reality, Development of Insight, Reconstructing personal values and beliefs, Acceptance and letting go.
STAGE 3: RECLAMATION AND RECONCILIATION
· Development of social relations, Decisions about change in lifestyle, Renewal of self-awareness, Acceptance of responsibility.
The clearest indicator of successful grief work, and the “end” of this last stage, is your ability to live with the memory of your loss without it filling your thoughts and affecting your daily feelings and behaviors.
Question for you, the reader of this blog: "Where are you in your stage of grief? What do you think and feel will serve you in your journey?" Please know, it is okay and it is really good to ask for help...Until next time.
Warmly,
Colleen
Visit my website www.CoachingForWidows.com and check out the links and resources page for additional helpful information.
Today, I wanted to address the stages of grief. It is important to lay it all out there. I'm sure most of you have read these stages some place or another. I'll place the stage overview on today's blog and over the next few weeks will go more deeply into each stage and share some reflections and pose some questions to you the reader to serve your journey as well.
The goals of grief work are not to find ways to avoid or bypass the emotional turmoil and upsets brought by your loss. Instead, they involve working through the tasks and emotions of each stage of grief.
STAGE 1: ACCLIMATION AND ADJUSTMENT
· Adjusting, Functioning, Keeping in Check, Accepting Support
STAGE 2: EMOTIONAL IMMERSION AND DECONSTRUCTION
· Contending with reality, Development of Insight, Reconstructing personal values and beliefs, Acceptance and letting go.
STAGE 3: RECLAMATION AND RECONCILIATION
· Development of social relations, Decisions about change in lifestyle, Renewal of self-awareness, Acceptance of responsibility.
The clearest indicator of successful grief work, and the “end” of this last stage, is your ability to live with the memory of your loss without it filling your thoughts and affecting your daily feelings and behaviors.
Question for you, the reader of this blog: "Where are you in your stage of grief? What do you think and feel will serve you in your journey?" Please know, it is okay and it is really good to ask for help...Until next time.
Warmly,
Colleen
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