New Year

Coaching For Widows & Phillips Coaching would like to wish you a safe & Happy New Year! As one year ends and another begins, take the time to reflect on the past, look forward to the future, and enjoy the presence of the people who add meaning to each moment of everyday!

Warmly,

Colleen
http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

http://www.phillipscoaching.com/

Single Parenting

A warm hello,

Are you a single parent? Recently, I've received emails and calls from women who are widowed single parents. They've stated they are (at times) struggling and are feeling stuck in general. In addition, I've spoken with others that are divorced single parents and they too are having their challenges as well. Bottom line, the underlying theme is how much each woman loves their children and how much each woman wants to find their own best way to raise them. As the holiday season is upon us, it can raise issues and questions.

So, what will make 2009 a banner year for you as a woman and as a mother?

In my coaching practice I work with women (widowed, divorced and some married as well) and in each case we work together to craft strategies and plans to achieve what each client wants most. I remember, when I was first a coaching client, I worked to clearly identify what I most wanted for my son and my role as mom. I created strategies and plans, took action (lots of action) and saw amazing progress along the way. Ask yourself what is important. What you want to start, stop and continue. This is a big deal!

Here are some things I learned:

1. Be consistent (this is huge!)

2. Be there, really be present. When I am with my son, I always block out special time for "play".

3. Get down to their eye level when communicating something of great importance.

4. Listen. Watch. Pay attention. Build on their strengths. (Really) Acknowledge their accomplishments and quickly redirect behavior as appropriate.

5. Get enough sleep. Early on after my husband passed away, I was sleep deprived and it made it very difficult.

6. Get some advice from experts. (books, websites, friends, family)

7. If your child is young, have visuals. (to do's, responsibilities, rewards etc.--make visuals together so they are part of the process and are engaged)

My son is 7 and is out of school today through Jan 6th. At 9:30am this morning he was already saying he was bored and wanted to play with some friends. Oh, that reminds me, I must plan more playdates for him and "play time" for him and me. It is good for him and good for me, otherwise it will be a long holiday break. Juggling it all, and you know what I mean, can be a bit much at times, but with setting a good stage, crafting a good plan and following through on those actions, it will make for a happy mom, happy child and happy holiday season.

Happy Holidays to all!

Warmly,

Colleen

http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

7 1/2 Highly Effective Habits for 2009

A warm hello,

11 months have passed since last New Year's Eve. Perhaps much has happened this year, perhaps not. If 2008 was the year your husband passed you were more than likely just trying to put one foot in front of the other. If 2008 was year two, that generally brings in more than expected. Year 2 can feel harder in some ways and at the same time you are taking bolder steps towards recreating your life and making changes that suit. If you are in year 3 and beyond, you are hopefully well on your way to putting all the pieces back together. Whatever the case, how would you assess your 2008? How would you like to make 2009 the year you lived "on purpose"? You'll be amazed at how much control you have of your life, which naturally allows you to accomplish ANYTHING to which you set your mind.

With 2008 ending in just a few weeks, now is the perfect opportunity to develop visions (supported by personally crafted 7 1/2 highly effective habits) for how you want your life to be in 2009. During the past year, I have seen people achieve amazing things by simply committing to making it happen. My clients can testify they started out their coaching program with some doubt their visions would become a reality, but four months later they saw vision after vision come true and by the end of the program they were amazed at how much they had accomplished in such period of time.

It breaks my heart when I meet women and especially widows who have been feeling stuck and unfocused for a long period of time. (I met a women the other day who has been feeling this way for 10 years since her husband passed!) So, as you prepare for 2009, I encourage you to take an hour out of your day to develop visions for how you want your life to be next year. Once you do that, create some strategies (habits) and a plan to get there. If you need help and guidance, reach out for help. I am offering a 20 minute complimentary strategy session to support you in getting started and becoming more focused. Visit http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ to register for a complimentary strategy session. Also, I've been getting many requests from women to support them with crafting their resumes, improving their interviewing skills and professional skills. With over 21 years of professional experience I can lend support to you in this arena as well. Many women are wanting to find a job, change jobs or careers or get promoted to a higher level. What visions do you have for 2009? Let's get started.

Here's to you.

Warmly,

Colleen

Requested Holiday Advice

A warm hello,

I received an email today from someone I follow on "twitter". http://www.twitter.com/ (a social networking site) and she requested holiday advice as she is feeling the challenge of being alone during the holidays. How many of you can relate to the challenge of being alone during the holidays?

Recently, I struggled with the alone thing as I tried to put up our outdoor Christmas lights (I did the best I could). It will be a more environmentally friendly Christmas this year as I could only do so much; so we will do a good thing for our planet. It can also be somewhat sad as couple friends go to parties, and couples and families do all the holiday planning and celebrating together. It is always important to remember that I (we) are not alone...we may have children, parents and family/friends.

Here are some pieces of advice from my personal experiences as coach, mom and widow.

1. Give yourself a break. Be kind to yourself. Take some "me" time. Today I took some me time that was very much needed and stole some time at the beach. (yes it is December but living in SW Florida it is one of the perks!). What can you do for you? Nurture yourself. If you don't give to yourself, it makes it hard over time to do your best and give to others. If you like to travel, plan a trip (it can be some place close or far away.) The picture above is of Venice, Italy. Italy will be my next European trip.

2. Open yourself up to attending parties or get togethers. Invite friends over. Call people and reconnect. Ask some friends to go out for lunch/dinner or a coffee. If you enjoy the company of others, find those that make you laugh, listen well and care about you and you care about.

3. On the flip side, take in some quiet time. Read a book, or watch a holiday classic that makes you feel good or evokes some emotion that would be healthy for you to experience. Sometimes even a good cry is good.

4. Keep it simple. Find ways to simplify. Make lists. Set some boundaries on what you want to do and can do. This year, I am simplifying more than ever.

5. Exercise, get enough sleep and eat healthy. (well with the holiday's that may be challenging, just do what you can, splurge a bit...and be kind to yourself)

6. If you are thinking about dating, jump in when you are ready. Remember a date is not marriage and can be fun. Actually, it is a mindset of dating vs. a relationship. Start there and have some healthy fun. There are many avenues to explore as there are church groups for singles, speed dating, on line dating sites and of course you can always meet a special someone in the book or grocery store.

7. There are times when looking at old photo albums, watching old home movies, reading cards from my husband help. Well, it hurts and it helps. The other day I was organizing the garage and I have a big box full of cards etc. I read some cards my husband had given me. I cried, I laughed, and I cried some more. All of it was good, even the tears. It is a physical reminder of what we shared and the love we had for one another. If you are in a very emotional state, this is one activity you may want to do at another time.

8. If you have children...enjoy the season with them. Experience the joy of the season through their eyes. Make it special for them and for you, but where you can, remember to keep it simple especially if you are in "overwhelm"

9. If you are spiritual or religious, take in rituals that feed the soul.

10. Smile. Laugh. I know sometimes it can be hard, but it is contagious. It is proven to make you feel better. Go ahead. Smile. Laugh. Are you doing it? Do it again and again.

Happy Holidays.

Warmly,

Colleen

www.CoachingForWidows.com

Customer Service-Customer Intelligence

A warm hello,

I am going to put it right out there...I am pretty cranked up and frustrated about something. When I got home last night, I checked the mail and there was another mailing addressed to my deceased husband. Now, it has been 4 and 1/2 years since he's passed, all the announcements went out as appropriate, post office notified, every piece of mail that has had his name on it, I've physically written "deceased, please remove from mailing list." Now, I am going to hunt down a leader in this particular organization (that is sending this direct marketing letter) and educate them, let them know the negative impact it is having on me and direct them to stop sending him mail.

In today's world, where service is becoming more and more obsolete and the need for greater customer service and customer experience more important than ever (as customers become more price conscious), why would companies not take the time to take important customer information or customer intelligence, update their records and find a way to recover from their mishaps? It is interesting, this particular piece of mail (that I've received with my husbands name on several times) is regarding children's life insurance. As you may have read on previous blogs, I am a big proponent of life insurance (especially after what I've experienced) and have taken it to heart to ensure my son will be provided for if anything were to happen to me. Now, I may have seriously considered this children's life insurance offer, but why would I entertain conducting business with any company that cannot take the necessary steps to recover after a customer mishap. Mistakes happen, no problem and they can be fixed. Mistakes that happen, and are not fixed, a big problem. Companies and businesses lose. What companies and businesses today want to lose customers and potential sales? Obviously, there are quite a few. hmmm...how much better our economy could be if more attention was paid to us the customer?

Yesterday, I attended a phenomenal seminar with John DiJulius of the DiJulius Group. http://www.thedijuliusgroup.com/. The seminar was entitled "What's the Secret to Providing a World Class Customer Experience". John has written two best selling books on customer service, and he is passionate about this topic. In my life and career, providing an extraordinary service experience for my co-workers, team, customers and clients has always been top of mind. So, as I continue to do my best to provide service it is also important to speak up when I don't and educate companies when they've made a mistake. It is perhaps the only way they'll have an opportunity to "do right".

So, if you are in business and service is important to you and your company, I recommend visiting the http://www.thedijuliusgroup.com/ for some great resources that may assist and support you. If you are a consumer/customer and get great service--woohoo--celebrate and thank them. If you get poor service, or you too find yourself still getting mail with your husband's name on it and it bothers you at all, let them know. I'm surprised it has taken me this long to pick up the phone. Going to the seminar yesterday, just put me back in touch with--it just isn't okay any more to accept these kind of mistakes especially when I've made attempts to give them the customer information and intelligence to fix it.

Well, I've got a phone call to make. Wish me luck!

Warmly,

Colleen

Anniversary, holidays & Carpe Diem

A warm hello,

Pictured above is our Christmas tree my son and I put up and decorated yesterday. It is always one of my favorite activities of the year. I love the ritual and a blend of the old and the new. Over the last 4 years, while decorating our trees, I did find myself sad at times even though I loved it. It was so hard to see the ornaments, and to miss my husband all the more. This year was easier, and part of that is the time that has passed, the personal growth and development I've undertaken and the wonderful coaching clients I have the honor of working with, supporting and learning from as well.

My son was so engaged in the process and was hands on decorating (until of course his attention span dwindled) and I was left finishing up. (that is a 7 year old for you!) We had so much fun unwrapping and he had his favorites, knew which ones were his daddy's, which were mine, which were our families. He loved looking at his baby pictures in some of the ornaments and he remembered some great memories. This was another great opportunity to continue linking the new with the old and sharing stories of dad and creating new memories as well. All in all it was great!

A few days ago (On Thanksgiving Day actually) it was the 4 1/2 year anniversary of Rory's passing. In some ways it seems like a lifetime ago and in others, very recent. He is in my heart and it feels good to have him there as I continue to Embrace Life now and going forward.

This weekend, my dad who is now 73 years old was helping me take down the Christmas boxes (lights, ornaments, decorations) from my attic. He fell off a high ladder while helping me. Thankfully he is okay. My heart was in my throat when he fell and I was so worried about his well being and health. He will not be getting on any ladder on my watch again.

My dad falling, again reinforced to me how important "Carpe Diem" (seize the day) is. This time of year is great for reflection and it is also a time to "Carpe Diem". I cannot take for granted anything and have great opportunity to ensure I seize the day with those I love.

Coach Corner:
What does "Carpe Diem" mean to you? How and in what ways could you seize the day?




Here's to you.

Warmly,
Colleen