Don't Panic - Focus on "Can Do"

A Warm Hello,

Here in the U.S. and abroad many of the headlines are disturbing to say the least. With stocks plunging, fingers pointing and a financial crisis unfolding it is a challenging time. Yes, yes and yes. Many I speak with and meet with are concerned, some are scared. As a widow, you may have additional concerns and fears.

Here is what I want to say. Don't Panic. Focus on "Can Do". In today's fast paced world and overload of information it is easier than ever to become inundated. There is a huge difference between being informed and inundated. It is critical to be informed, and it is my belief that if we become inundated and focus on what we cannot control or influence we become paralyzed and overwhelmed.

I have a friend who is so inundated, he counts up the number of foreclosures in the paper, and after that if he doesn't feel scared or bad enough he gets a different paper and counts the number of foreclosures again.

So, here is what I suggest. Put everything in 3 buckets.

Bucket #1: What can you control?

Bucket #2: What can you influence?

Bucket #3: What is outside of your control?

Focus, make sound decisions and take action on buckets #1 and #2. Have a low level focus on bucket #3 to stay informed, but not inundated.

I believe in times of adversity, great things are possible. We each have the opportunity to stand up and lead by example. We each are strong, resilient, hopeful and persevering.

Focus on "Can Do" and see what happens. You might be pleasantly surprised how it helps!

Warmly,

Colleen

Dating and Relationships

Dear fellow widows,

Dating and relationships (in general) eventually come up as a major topic for women and widows alike. Many widows at some point find themselves wanting companionship and in some cases a relationship and potentially remarriage. Now this might not be for everyone, but in some to many cases along the journey it seems to fit and be a choice.

As widows we know a lot about life. We've seen life taken and we've experienced great joys and great sadness. We also know what it is like to love. We have great capacity to love ourselves, our family/friends and if/when it is right dating and perhaps even a serious relationship.

It all depends on what we each want. As we are all wonderful and diverse women we all want different things and at different times.

Now, my grandmother had NO desire to date again once my grandfather passed. My grandmother Cecilia had many opportunities to date again, however, she was very clear that is not what she wanted. She was funny and would say things such as "are you alright"? "I do not intend to do any other man's laundry."

Many widow clients I have coached have expressed a desire to date and have done so. It is an interesting dating world out there as some of you may have experienced. I have also spoken with many widows who are happily remarried. Depending where you personally are on your journey after losing your husband that may be something you yearn for or it may be something you cannot even fathom or get your head around. One remarried widow I spoke with told me that never in a million years would she have thought she would remarry, but here she was, moving on with her life with tremendous grace, strenth and happiness!

I've only dated one man since my husband passed. He is a wonderful person and we began a relationship. Although the relationship did not continue to grow, the gift in all of it is knowing the capacity to date, be in a relationship and love again is there for each of us, if it is something we indeed want.

A few months ago, I met a "dating expert" writer. Perhaps I'll interview her and provide tips for "widows dating"...Would that interest you? Let me know.

Coach Corner:

What is it you want now and in the future as it relates to a significant other? What are the qualities and values that must be present? When you are ready, start getting very clear about what is most important to you in a potential mate. What would it be like to just date? If you are already dating or in a new relationship, what would make it be that much more phenomenal?

Warmly,

Colleen

Embrace Life and my Sisters (& Brothers) in Widowhood

The place: Chicago & Bloomington Illinois 8/24/08-8/26/08
The event: Embrace Life Awards, State Farm ®

The honorees: 13 women & men, who have lost a spouse or parent, have persevered and inspired others. These stories shared how life insurance enabled and helped people Embrace Life or lack of adequate Life Insurance further challenged people and how they moved forward, are doing meaningful work and gave back to their families and community.

Objective: Visit http://www.sfembracelifeawards.com/ to read about the program and the honorees stories. The 2009 nomination process is open, so if you or someone you know should be nominated you have the opportunity to do so now and for the next months to come.

Coach Corner: One coaching exercise I use with my clients is called the “wheel of life”, and we look at our level of satisfaction with the 8 major components of our lives. Financial/money is one of the 8 components. One question I ask clients is “how are you protecting your family, your children in case something happens to you? How comfortable and satisfied are you that those you love will be able to Embrace Life with the help of financial security if we also have an untimely death? This can be a difficult concept or discussion to have for some, but it is a critically important one to have. I was fortunate to have some life insurance proceeds after my husband’s death and it enabled me to have some freedom to make major changes in life, reinvest in advanced education, leave my corporate leadership position and begin a coaching business. I am grateful to my husband for providing some life insurance and can also tell you that a more adequate amount would have made it easier for me and my son. The lesson is to have life insurance and have an adequate amount to care for your loved ones. It was surprising to learn that about 1/3 of all Americans have little to no life insurance. One commitment I made recently was to increase and secure additional life protection (insurance) for my son. As you look at the financial/money aspect of your life, please include life insurance in your planning.

I want to thank State Farm ® for an amazing honor and experience and express how honored I felt to meet and be in the company of the honorees. Every honoree was powerful, compassionate, passionate and living “with purpose”. All have taken steps to “pay it forward” and do amazing and inspired work. (A special and personal thank you to Carole for the “socks” and to Wanda for your hospitality- you are two of my Sisters in Widowhood.)

As widows, we know more than many about life and about death. Let’s make sure we Embrace Life and protect those we love.
Warmly,
Colleen