Hello to all, More at www.CoachingForWidows.com
About a year and a half ago I took all of our family VHS tapes and had them made into DVD's. I remember what a huge deal that was. It was still difficult to touch those tapes and then turn them over to a professional to upgrade them, I was afraid. It was a big deal. Those tapes had most of what I thought was left of my husband Rory and I was scared to part with them.
On more than a few occasions I have asked my son if he would like to watch a DVD of himself, his daddy, mommy and friends/family. He has been unsure and has repeatedly said things like, "maybe tomorrow".
Tonight I took "the box" of DVD's and showed him some pictures on the covers and gratefully for us both, he too was ready.
So, watching a DVD of my husband and our life with my now 6 year old was yes, all you imagine. Tears, laughter, pure joy, remembrance in the purest sense, continued grief, and something I am not sure I can even definitively name.
My son laughed. Yes, he laughed. We laughed. There was joy and yes, I cried too (albeit silent tears). My 6 year old asked about the tears, and then said "mommy don't cry" and then he laughed again at something on the DVD. WOW!! The belly laughs he let out watching our lives several years back was, "worth the price of admission!"
Here is what resonates. This experience has changed me profoundly. I would gladly and eagerly give anything and everything I have to have my husband Rory back, and sadly we all know that having our spouse back is just not possible.
In my gut and in my soul I know I will always miss him, and because of or in spite of, I believe I will go on to do good work and help others.
That "belly laugh" is something I really really want to experience again and again. It is powerful. To find a life and work that gives you that "belly laugh" and makes you whole is pretty spectacular or as my husband would say "outstanding". This is what I wish for my son and for you all.
My vision and quest is for us widows to go through our grief and "reach for the brass ring". Reach out, post and share when you are ready.
Let's make something great!
Warmly,
Colleen
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2 comments:
Colleen, my dear friend and coach, I am brought to tears by your sharing.
I can only imagine how bittersweet it must have been to sit down with your precious son to watch the videos of his Daddy.
I myself have many tapes and have only been able to watch part of one of the tapes of Greg and it was too painful to watch in full.
I knew when I met you Colleen that you were one of the Angels that God has put into my life. I remember how stunned we were that our husbands deaths were only 3 days apart. I have met many very special people that are one this same journey. I hope to meet many more.
I applaud you for creating this blog for all of us that belong to "The Club" (that no one wants to be in) to share, commiserate, give hope, give insights and to help us all through this difficult journey of life after death
Dear Cindy,
Thank you for your beautiful and heartfelt response.
You are an amazing woman! I am thankful to have you with me on this journey.
Warmly,
Colleen
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