Dating and Relationships

Dear fellow widows,

Dating and relationships (in general) eventually come up as a major topic for women and widows alike. Many widows at some point find themselves wanting companionship and in some cases a relationship and potentially remarriage. Now this might not be for everyone, but in some to many cases along the journey it seems to fit and be a choice.

As widows we know a lot about life. We've seen life taken and we've experienced great joys and great sadness. We also know what it is like to love. We have great capacity to love ourselves, our family/friends and if/when it is right dating and perhaps even a serious relationship.

It all depends on what we each want. As we are all wonderful and diverse women we all want different things and at different times.

Now, my grandmother had NO desire to date again once my grandfather passed. My grandmother Cecilia had many opportunities to date again, however, she was very clear that is not what she wanted. She was funny and would say things such as "are you alright"? "I do not intend to do any other man's laundry."

Many widow clients I have coached have expressed a desire to date and have done so. It is an interesting dating world out there as some of you may have experienced. I have also spoken with many widows who are happily remarried. Depending where you personally are on your journey after losing your husband that may be something you yearn for or it may be something you cannot even fathom or get your head around. One remarried widow I spoke with told me that never in a million years would she have thought she would remarry, but here she was, moving on with her life with tremendous grace, strenth and happiness!

I've only dated one man since my husband passed. He is a wonderful person and we began a relationship. Although the relationship did not continue to grow, the gift in all of it is knowing the capacity to date, be in a relationship and love again is there for each of us, if it is something we indeed want.

A few months ago, I met a "dating expert" writer. Perhaps I'll interview her and provide tips for "widows dating"...Would that interest you? Let me know.

Coach Corner:

What is it you want now and in the future as it relates to a significant other? What are the qualities and values that must be present? When you are ready, start getting very clear about what is most important to you in a potential mate. What would it be like to just date? If you are already dating or in a new relationship, what would make it be that much more phenomenal?

Warmly,

Colleen