Milestones

A warm hello,

We each have experienced "milestones" in our lives/careers, milestones we may be currently experiencing and milestones we have yet to experience. Every milestone is unique to each woman. In addition, and in a general sense there may be milestones that we may share.

Milestones are "markers" of sort. A marriage, the birth of a child, a graduation, a promotion, a demotion or downsizing, a new business, overcoming a big fear, and yes of course illness or death of a loved one. Life is full of milestones, isn't it?

What are some milestones you've experienced? How do you hold those memories, what are you more aware of and what have they taught you?

Some milestones are HUGE! Others are rites of passage, and still a big deal and meaningful. What are some of the milestones you are experiencing now in your life? Again, what are you learning and becoming more aware of? What is important and meaningful to you? How do you choose to honor that?

My son turned 8 years old today. It is hard to believe! He is moving from little boy to a bigger version of a little boy. He's growing up and getting so much taller. Today feels to me like a milestone. He's lived longer now without his daddy than with him. It is almost 5 years now. Another milestone.

Here is a milestone and something important I've learned in my personal journey of life (as a woman, widow, mother, coach, business owner, daughter, friend and significant other.) I've learned to move from "acceptance" to, as Byron Katie of "The Work" so eloquently writes it, "To Love What Is." It really is a powerful shift! I've gotten to a place after much work to "Love What Is". This has paved the road for me to become more comfortable in my own skin, become a better mother, a better coach and to be open for a new love in my life. This is a very big milestone. After Rory died and for years to follow, I wasn't ready for a significant other because I had to work on me first. I'm glad I did and am so grateful to "Love What Is" and to have an amazing love and significant other in my life now.

I've always said, rediscovering ourselves after the loss of our husbands no matter the circumstances, no matter the relationship we had, is a journey. May your journey bring you to a destination that you too can "Love What Is".

Coach Corner:

If you could move from acceptance to "Loving What Is" in your life, what would that be like? How would you feel? What is now possible?

Here's to You.

Warmly,

Colleen

Visit http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ for a sample coaching session and widow and transition resources.

Time Is On Our Side

A warm hello,

Time Is On Our Side.

I am thinking about all the many thoughts, sayings and songs on "time"out there...For example, there is an old Rolling Stones song entitled, "Time Is On Our Side". Also, I am certain each one of us have heard many references such as, "time heals wounds". As a widow, we've probably been inundated with well meaning friends and family members touting how time will help. They may says things such as "over time things will get better, over time we'll figure things out, how over time we may love again, how over time we'll learn to become a good single parent, how over time we'll become more productive at work, how over time we will actually become unstuck, regain focus and build a new life that actually works and works well."

The magic key to all of this is, how do we use our time? What do we learn? What do we change? What remains? What is important now? This is a learning process, a journey. We must be active participants in our usage of "time".

People say things such as "I don't have enough time, it takes too much time, if only I had more time". What are they really saying here? What do you think?

Well, we all have the same 24 hours in each day. It is what we choose to do with it. How we choose to spend our time, how we choose to grow and develop, how we choose to be actively engaged in the grieving process so we may move through it. Time alone helps, but we must show up and be active participants.

When we first lose our husbands, we are in survival mode, getting through a day at a time or even an hour or moment at a time. That may be the best we can do, and it is okay. However, over time, we each have the opportunity to fully engage in stepping into a new and potentially rewarding life full of things such as career, financial improvement, health, loving relationships and a deeper sense of our own abilities. To become more comfortable in our own skin even now that we've been widowed.

Time is truly on our side.

Today, I came across a poem of sorts I wrote 3 years ago about my husband. It was still laden with much pain, loss and loneliness. So, now these 3 years later, time has helped and importantly I have actively participated, showed up, got help, worked with a coach, learned about how I wanted to be for the rest of my life. I hope the same for each one of you. I hope you use your time to engage in your life, to learn, to grow, to heal, to love, to rediscover yourselves.

Working with a coach can absolutely help. Actively participating in support groups can help. There are many options available to you. Find what best supports you!

Coach Question: How can you actively make the best use of your time? What awaits you that you may begin to put into motion now?

Here's to you!

Warmly,
Colleen
www.CoachingForWidows.com Visit for more information and resources.

Believing You Can

A warm hello,

I have been having coaching conversations with women regarding their beliefs. Beliefs in themselves, beliefs that they have or do not have the ability to change, to grow, to persevere. Do they believe they can step forward, put the pieces of their lives back together in new and powerful ways?

What we believe is paramount. It either supports us taking powerful actions or it limits us. What beliefs do you hold? Which ones support you and which ones limit you. Take stock. Keep what works and clean out those which do not.

Here is a little story. Believing You Can
A young man fell asleep during math class. He woke up as the bell rang, looked at the blackboard, and copied down the two problems that were there. He assumed they were the homework for the night. He went home and labored the rest of the afternoon and into the evening knowing if he didn't complete the work he would surely fail the class.
He couldn't figure out either one but he kept trying for the rest of the week. Finally, he got the answer to one and brought it to class. The teacher was absolutely stunned. The boy feared he had done too little, too late. It turned out the problem he solved was supposedly unsolvable.
Power Commanders How did he do it? He was able to do what was thought to be impossible because he believed it was possible. He not only believed it was possible, he believed that if he didn't solve it he would fail the class. Had he known the problem was unsolvable he could never have done it.
Beliefs are the commanders of our brain.When we believe something is true, we literally go into the state of its being true. Handled effectively, beliefs can be the most powerful forces for creating good in our lives.
The Birth of Excellence. Beliefs control our destiny: The belief we have in ourselves...the belief others have in us. The birth of excellence begins with the awareness that our beliefs are a choice.
Beliefs are the compass and map that guide us to our goals. Believe you can do something -OR- believe you can't and you'll be right every time.

Here's to You!

Warmly,

Colleen

http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

Contact for a introductory coaching session

Little Victories

A warm hello,

A dear coaching client of mine, a widow named Carole from Oregon shared with me her "anthem". These are lyrics from a Bob Seger song titled "Little Victories". When I read it, I loved it and asked her permission to share on this blog. Thank you Carole!

Throughout the journey of widowhood there are "little victories" along the way. One after the other after the other. We grow, we learn and yes we may skin our knee but we become stronger, wiser and more compassionate.

Any little victory is a victory. Here is to your little victories.

When your baby up and leaves you
Up and leaves you flat
Don't you laugh my friend, sometimes it happens just like that
First you feel the anger, then the sorrow will soon take control
And there'll be hard times for sure
Long, cold lonely nights
It might not sound like much
But it'll mean a lot you'll see
Every hour you survive will come to be
A little victory
Little victory
As you struggle through each day
Each strange new day
Feelin' lost and wounded, tryin' hard to find your way
No one there to talk it out with
Learnin' how to sleep alone
Overcomin' each new doubt
Tryin' hard just to accept it all
Everytime you keep control when you're cut off at the knees
Everytime you take a punch and still stand at ease
Little victories
Little victories
And when night falls and there's no one around
The cruelest time of all and not one sound
Listenin' to the wind blow
Listenin' to the tickin' of the clock
Tryin' hard to forget
Tryin' hard to just accept it all
As you step out in the night, take a lesson from the trees
Watch the way they learn to bend with each breeze
Little victories
Everytime you make it through
It's another little victory
Day by day, minute by minute
Little victories

Warmly,

Colleen

http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

Transcending: Words on Women and Strength

A warm hello,

I've written often about the important role women friendships play throughout our lives. As a women and as a widow I've often found such richness in my friendships. I am thankful to have friends that supported me when my husband passed away and for all the other events in life.

Please watch the embedded video by Kelly Corrigan on U Tube and feel free to send it along to your women friends.

Transcending: Words on Women and Strength by Kelly CorriganAuthor Kelly Corrigan wrote this moving essay about women's remarkable capacity to support each other, to laugh together, and to endure. The full text is available in the paperback edition of her memoir, The Middle Place, on sale December 23, 2008.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q

We will transcend.

Warmly,

Colleen

Please visit http://www.coachingforwidows.com/ for additional resources and for a complimentary introductory coaching session.

A dear friend and a new widow

A warm hello,

I write this today with a heavy heart.

The circle of life. We are born, we live (hopefully to the fullest), and our lives on this earth at some point end. Those we love are born, live and eventually or all too soon pass away.

This morning, one of my dear friends and work partner/colleague passed away from lung cancer. His name was Kim (and a non-smoker). He was an engaging man who laughed a lot and helped those around him laugh as well. He made the world a better place just by being him. Everyone loved Kim, he was just one of those people you couldn't help but love. He had a beautiful wife and two great sons. Kim also used to be my late husbands boss and they had a phenomenal friendship as well.

Kim was there for me when Rory died. He came to my home hours after he passed along with others I am fortunate to have in my life now and at that time. His passing today hurts deeply and brings me back acutely to that day 4 1/2 years ago.

So what to do with all of this? What to write? How to help? How to help his wife, his family and in a broader scope how to help more widows? This is on my mind and in my heart.

As with all new widows, getting through the day and lets face it, getting through minute to minute is what we can do. I will do my best to provide to his widow grief resources and recommendations for initial grief support. I'll be there for her when/if she could benefit from coaching. My heart goes out to her and wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better.

Unfortunately I can't do that, as much as I wish I could. What I and what each of us can do is to live while we are here the best life we can, be the best role model we can be for our children, rediscover ourselves, be strong, laugh again and give back to others. There will be many more widows and widowers to follow in our footsteps and we each have an opportunity (when we are ready) and far enough along on our grief journey to help and support those who follow.

Here's to my dear friend Kim and wishing for his wife (widow) and family strength and grace during this time and beyond. I know someday soon they'll smile again.

Here is a quote by Sara Paddison I would like to share. "Hope is a higher frequency, and as you begin to re-connect with your heart, hope is waiting to share with you new possibilities and arrest the downward spiral of grief and loneliness. Listening to the still small voice in your heart will make hope into a reality."

Here is to all on the journey of widowhood.

Warmly,
Colleen

Greater Fitness = Greater Energy in '09

A warm hello,

Have you noticed lately the "usual" ads, commercials, and paid programs for fitness and weight loss. As people make their New Years Resolutions, many (widows too!) want to improve some aspect of their fitness, weight etc. which in turn can lead to greater energy, health and confidence. Becoming more fit and becoming healthier is a terrific idea. However, what will make it really happen is being committed to specific goals and plans and being consistent. My trainer always stresses the importance of consistency and will often state how being consistent is smarter and more effective than going gang busters and then slacking off etc. Also, my trainer always teaches that we (our bodies) are our greatest tool and other aids or just that, aids. Case in point and a pretty funny story. A friend of mine has a closet full of exercise aids, (ab roller, thigh master, stepper, balls, bands, weights, tapes etc.) One day (on an "infomercial") she bought another exercise program (aid) because she thought "it would change her life". When it arrived on her door, it looked familiar. Guess what, she already had it in her closet. So, the exercise program or aid cannot change a life, but each person can if they are committed, have specific goals and a plan and stay consistent.

Recently a local magazine published these questions I wrote to support 3 new moms I'll be coaching in a Mom Body Challenge Contest. I share them here to help get you started as well if you are interested in greater fitness=greater energy in '09.

1. What is important to you about becoming healthier and fit? How will this positively impact your life?

2. What are the goals that you want to achieve? Set specific goals and make a realistic plan.

3. What environment will support you best? Hows can you create a physical and social environment that supports your goals?

4. It is all about making this a priority. How can you balance your life so you'll have time to exercise and eat well?

5. What triggers or sabotages you? Learn how to pause and gain the power to respond rather than react to triggers or cravings.

6. Let go of excuses and start thinking positively about the weight loss and fitness process.

Here's to you!

Warmly,

Colleen

http://www.coachingforwidows.com/

http://www.phillipscoaching.com/